What Story Will Your Marriage Tell?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 by Cheryl Bell

My parents are moving to Texas.  He is 87 and she is 88.  They have taken care of each other for a lifetime and when she gently told him that she needed our help, the issue was settled.

I cannot imagine how difficult this change must be for him – leaving all that has been so familiar and comfortable. And yet, because of his great love for her, the decision is made – without hesitation, without complaint, without regret. He is still taking care of her.

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Planning a Romantic Picnic for Two

Tuesday, April 30, 2013 by Melissa Meredith

Need a fresh date night idea that is both simple and romantic?  Look no further!  The following is a guide to planning a perfectly romantic picnic for two.

 

The Perfect Location

Choose a special spot that can become your special place, just for the two of you.  To help pick the perfect location, think about your personality as a couple.  Do you prefer quiet solitude or being surrounded by people?  Also, think about what your city has to offer. Does your city have a botanical garden? Any nearby lakes, national parks, or scenic outlooks?  Do any downtown buildings have rooftop gardens?  Know a friend of a friend that owns any country acreage? Nothing nearby? Consider taking a spontaneous day drive to add a touch of adventure. Also, consider the time of day for your picnic.  Does your significant other love the stillness of the morning?  Do you love watching the stars together at night?  Do you love the feeling of the warm spring rays of sun on your face?  Whether you are a morning or evening person, personalize your picnic to you and yours’ tastes.

 

The Perfect Setup

To make a picnic extra special, consider going all out.  You’d be surprised at how simple {and fun} trading in the paper and plastic for a smidgen of fancy.   Regardless of your location and time of day,
bring your home on the road.  The following is a guide to packing the perfect picnic:

• A picnic basket (or any oversized basket will do)
• Two comfy and oversized outdoor pillows
• Soft Blanket (think cotton/linen blends)
• Two Linen Napkins (think greys, blues, or naturals)
• Two China or Dinner Plates (layer with paper plates for toting)
• Two Glasses
• 2 Sets of Silverware
• Bouquet of Flowers (think favorites and keep wrapped in tissue)
• Fragrance-free Tea lights and glass holders (don’t forget the lighter)
• Wet Wipes and Trash Bag for cleanup

 

A Perfect Menu

Step up the romance and order out a “tasting” of food from your favorite restaurant.  Or. order out from that restaurant that you’ve always wanted to try.  Consider cooking something new (but plan to make it one day earlier to make sure it comes out right).  If you like adventure, stop by a local food market and build your picnic menu together.  While you are planning a romantic picnic, it’s always good to keep in mind that it is still a picnic.  If you and yours love messy barbeque, go right ahead and enjoy the very messy {and memorable} time of eating it right off of your china plates.

A Perfect {and Surprising} Touch

To make the time together extra special and memorable, consider bringing your guitar and playing you and yours’ favorite song.   Or better yet, write them a song or poem.  It might sound mushy, but it will be a memory that the two of you will not too soon forget.  Later, you can handwrite the lyrics or lines, frame it, and place in your home.

An {Imperfect} Surprise

Just as life has surprises, you might experience a few of your own.  Don’t get discouraged if you have a flat tire on the way to the countryside, or if a rainstorm drenches your beautiful spread, or if it turns out to be children’s day at the park.  Embrace the surprises and don’t let it ruin your special time.  Surprises give couples a chance to laugh together, make adventures of their own, and have a fabulous story to tuck away until the perfect dinner party with friends.

As biblical women, our marriages are faint images of the true marriage between Christ and His Bride (Eph 5, Col 3:18-19).  Spending quality time as husband and wife is essential to building a strong and loving marriage, and can be a model for younger women in our lives (Titus 2).  Planning a romantic picnic for you and yours is a creative and meaningful way to spend time with your significant other while embracing simplicity and without abandoning charm.  Plan the essentials, throw in a few  surprises of your own, and embrace the interruptions.  You’ll create a romantic space and a memory to share.

Here’s to making your house a home…even on the road.

 

Melissa Meredith is pursuing a Master of Divinity in women’s studies at Southwestern Seminary. She loves decorating, dark chocolate gelato, and is passionate about teaching women God’s sacred design for set-apart femininity. Connect with Melissa on Facebook!

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So We’re Living Together…What’s the Big Deal?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 by Bethany Hartsfield

What a precious baby girl! …Wait. She belongs to my old college roommate? No way! …Wait. Did I miss her wedding? As I curiously stalk my old roommate on Facebook I realize I hadn’t missed anything. Not even an engagement. Just the reality of another friend cohabiting with her boyfriend. Once I asked a woman close to her due date how many children she would have. She said this one was number 3, that she and her boyfriend were overjoyed, and only blessing could follow. I congratulated her, smiled, and was saddened all at the same time. Other than the obvious reason that these ladies are not married, why is this so disheartening and what does God have to say about it?

According to USLegal.com, cohabitation, or as we more frequently refer to it, living together, can be
defined as two people living as if they were a married couple (paying bills, sleeping together, chores, parenting, etc). We live in a society where by age 25 about 55% of women have cohabited.[1] Not to mention that one in five of those women becomes pregnant within their first year of cohabitation.[2] How do we as women of the Lord address this issue with non-believers and even those that do follow Christ?

Jesus commands us to love God and love others (Matt. 26:36-40). When we encounter those that are not walking with the Lord we must remember not to judge her or write her off. We cannot hold those that do not follow Christ to the same standards by which we live – it is foolishness to them (1 Cor. 1:18)! As one young woman puts it: “I have a beautiful baby girl now, so it is hard to say I regret my choice”[3] For her, this decision only brought joy and blessing to her life. Our society teaches that the pursuit of happiness is a life-long calling, and it is the god worthy of worship. Our first response to ladies choosing to cohabitate before marriage ought not to be a wince of the face, or a gasp of disapproval, but one of compassion. That means when I encounter a woman cohabiting, my goal is to win her to the Lord, not
push her away! Speak in love, pray for her in love, live your life in front of her, share the Gospel, and then let the Holy Spirit move in her life.

Remember God is the life-giver, and children are a blessing. To disapprove of a woman bringing a child into this world contradicts God’s perspective on children (Psalm 127). So, first and foremost, love this woman because Christ loved you first in your own brokenness (Rm 5:8; 1 Jn 4:19). Pray for her and ask God for the opportunity to build a relationship with her so that she might be won over to the Lord.

But, what about those that are believers and living together before marriage?

Why is it so bad when they know they will get married at some point? Have you ever wondered that?…me too. But what I’ve found is that questioning why cohabiting is wrong ultimately reveals that we’re asking the wrong question and likely coming from a self-centered perspective. Let me ask this: what is your purpose in life? If you are a believer, your purpose it is to do just what was mentioned above in Matthew 26:36-40: to love God and to love others. When you love God with everything that you are, you pursue His ways, and you pursue others to show them His love so that they will come to know Him. You are living for His glory. If I truly love the Lord, I will honor His ways in all that I do, and cohabitation is not in line with His ways.

Jesus spoke in Matthew 19:4-6: “Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate.” From Jesus’ mouth come the directions of when a man and woman are to be completely joined together emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. Living together distorts this original design the Creator set in place! If Jesus’ ways are your ways, then following His design for marriage will bring Him glory!

Some would point out that living together doesn’t always mean a sexual relationship.

But even if I am not sleeping with the man that I am cohabiting with, the danger is riding the line of sin, and a greater danger of bringing dishonor to the Name of the Lord. Dying to ourselves daily is the call on our lives, and that means walking away from temptations that may become so strong that we give in to them.

Bethany, I still don’t see your point, you might be saying. Let me ask another question: What is the ultimate purpose of marriage? Is it first and foremost about your benefit? …Picking up on a theme, yet? There is pleasure and happiness, yes, but God uses the marriage union as a picture of the gospel. Ephesians 5:22-33 might be a familiar passage to you (for many of you it may be exasperatingly familiar!), but Paul discusses the great mystery of the relationship between Christ and the Church and how He chose to paint a beautiful picture of that relationship in the marriage union. Do we dare mess
with this picture all because it will make us happy? Or that we can work on our “issues” before tying the knot? Marriage is a selfless act of a lifelong commitment. If marriage ultimately teaches me to live a selfless life modeling Christ on this earth, then I have no desire to twist God’s intention for marriage simply to satisfy my own wants.

Jesus simply says to His followers in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Does He ever lay out: “Thou shalt not cohabitate”? No. But, if we are to honor His design of marriage as a tangible picture to the world of who Christ is, then we must do whatever we can to preserve that picture! Again, addressing this issue must be done out of love – especially, to our sisters in Christ. It is not an overnight change, but a meaningful process of coming alongside another woman in the love
of Christ to draw her into a right relationship with Him so that she will reflect her Creator as He designed her to.

Bethany has a passion for teaching God’s Word to women and helping them find their
identity, worth and value in Christ above everything else. She is studying Women’s Ministry in the Master of Divinity program at Southwestern Seminary. Bethany loves sports, chocolate, and old movies! Connect with her on Facebook and visit her blog http://rescued663.wordpress.com /

 

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find Out What It Means to…Your Man

Thursday, February 21, 2013 by Terri Stovall

RESPECT – we all know it when we see it and can definitely point out disrespect when it comes our way. But what does respect really mean? And what does it look like?

These are the questions that I have been asked as I have worked with and mentored women, especially those who are newlyweds and are just trying to figure out what it looks like to be the wives God wants them to be. After all, Ephesians 5 not only instructs women to submit but also to respect their own husbands.

So how does a wife show respect to her husband?  Well…what better way to find the answer to that than to ask a group of husbands? Before you start picturing “I Love Lucy” re-runs, it might surprise you to learn how respect is communicated to most men. In an informal survey, I asked my married colleagues, ranging from a newlywed husband to a veteran of anniversaries, this one simple question: In one sentence, what does respect look like to a husband?

As I pressed “send” on the email, I expected to get a quick volley of responses. After all, this was their chance to tell us wives what they wished we knew. But instead, I heard crickets. And so I waited.

What I learned is that these godly men, like the rest of us, had a tough time explaining what respect is, but they could tell me what it is not. After a few lighthearted responses (my personal favorite being a video of James Brown’s It’s a Man’s World), the thoughtful responses I got offered a brief but insightful view into a husband’s world.

So, here you go, ladies. What does respect look like and how can we wives practically communicate it?

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The “Two-Bite” Rule: Teaching Gracious Table Manners

Monday, February 18, 2013 by Teresa Ambra

It happened again yesterday. The house was full of company, the table was set, the food was on the island buffet-style, and all gathered together to pray. No sooner had the “Amen” been said, than one of the kids piped up, “This looks awful,” and another said, “Mom, this is gross, I’m not eating any of this!”

Imagine how mortified and humiliated the hostess felt after spending an entire day—at least eight to ten hours—cooking, preparing, and making sure everything was just right—not to mention days of cleaning beforehand—only to be confronted by unappreciative, unruly, or ungracious guests.

…That hostess was me!

As Christian parents we have the responsibility to teach our children Christian virtues that will attract others to the gospel of Jesus Christ. When our children are orderly, well-mannered, and respectful to others—especially their elders, they display Christian qualities, “so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive” (Titus 2:10). One simple way we can build Christian character into our children is to teach them gracious table manners—whether they are eating meals in our own homes or elsewhere.

My friend, Jean, taught me this many years ago. We were working together as church secretaries when Jean told me about her “Two-Bite Rule.” No matter what was served for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, each child was required to eat at least two bites. Anytime they ate at someone else’s home, a restaurant, the school cafeteria or any place else, the rule still applied. In that way, Jean made sure her children were never rude, whiny, fussy, or ungracious whenever they ate meals.

Parents can start teaching their children gracious table manners early. Very few children will like everything put in front of them. However, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try everything. A “Two-Bite Rule” effectively gets your children to taste every food. They can eat more of what they like, and only two bites of any food they really dislike. When our oldest son was about 15 months old I noticed he only wanted to eat grilled cheese sandwiches and had stopped eating anything we served for dinner. It was shortly after Thanksgiving in 1983 when I made Turkey and Dumplings. He refused to eat it for dinner that night. So I wrapped up his bowl with plastic wrap and served it to him again for breakfast the next day. He refused to eat it. Same story at lunch. By dinner time he was famished and he ate the whole bowl. He never refused to eat anything after that and we enforced the “Two-Bite Rule.”

Teaching good table manners is an essential part of raising godly children. The “Two-Bite Rule” is not just for eating out. It needs to start at home. If all your children learn to eat is Macaroni and Cheese they will never learn to be good guests in someone else’s home. Teaching your children courteous and considerate manners at the table—whether at home or dining elsewhere—will not only make them welcome dinner guests but it will help them have principles to pass on to their own children later on.

Take the initiative and teach your children to eat for the honor and glory of God (1 Cor 10:31).

Here’s the recipe for my delicious Homemade Turkey and Dumplings. Today, it is one of my oldest son’s favorite dishes!

Teresa Ambra loves cooking and experimenting in the kitchen! Over the years she has tried thousands of recipes and now shares them on her blogwww.cantstayoutofthekitchen.com! She also loves to prepare meals for others no matter what the occasion. Teresa graduated with her Master of Divinity in Church History and Biblical Languages from Southwestern Seminary last May. Connect with her on Facebook,Twitter and her blog!

 

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Is Dot.Com Dating the Right Match for You?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013 by Katie McCoy

Is it just me, or are online dating sites for Christians everywhere these days? And it’s not just eHarmony and Match.com – there’s ChristianSingles.com, SingleChristian.com, and most recently, ChristianMingle.com. Maybe you’ve heard their commercials: Sometimes we wait for God to make the next move, when God is saying, “It’s Your time to act – the next move is yours!” Find God’s Match for you at ChristianMingle.com!

Am I really still single because God is waiting on me to make the next move? And is that next move really online dating? In my need to discover the truth, this single female Christian checked out the Dot.Com Dating scene. That’s right, in a moment of bold investigative journalism, I signed up on a Christian dating site. And between you and me, the process was – shall we say – less than substantive. Aside from asking me what kind of church I attend or how often I pray, this soul-mate service wanted to know my height, eye color, hair color, and body type (options included “washboard,” “average” and “I should maybe lose a few.”) Not exactly the focus on inner-beauty I was hoping to find. Another site asked me to declare who was first in my life. My choices were work, family, myself, or Jesus. (What narcissist would I have been matched up with had I answered, “myself?” Would we end up fighting over the mirror?) Besides a few religiously based queries, I may as well have been signing up on any other dating site.

If you’re into the online dating scene, please know I’m not here to bash. I completely understand the reasoning. You’re frustrated by the lack of options. You’re fed up with waiting for something to change. And you’re fearful at the prospect of yet another Valentine’s season being jokingly, but oh so painfully, known as Single’s Awareness Day. What if happiness or love – or even hope – really is just a few preliminary questions and a click away? But I have to wonder:

Is Dot.Com Dating really the Best Match for You?

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Being A Mom When She’s All Grown Up

Thursday, January 31, 2013 by Terri Stovall

Mother-Daughter relationships can be complicated.  At each stage of life it seems like there is this constant tension. For mothers, it is trying to strike the balance of wanting to continue teaching and nurturing on the one hand, while allowing her daughter to be strong, confident, and independent on the other. For daughters, the tension is almost the opposite. They seek to be strong, confident, and independent but, almost secretly, long for that long-term nurturing and teaching that only a mom can give.

This tension seems to be even more complicated when trying to figure out how to mother an adult daughter. Many mothers have done well in launching their daughters into life and are proud of the women they have become. They sit back and admire their daughters as wonderful wives and mothers. Some mothers have especially raised their daughters to be strong, independent, self-assured women who can hold their own in a world that is hard and dangerous.

But this leaves many a mom wondering whether she can still be a mother to her adult daughter… “Do I be her friend or do I be her mother?” “How much advice does she really want?”  “Am I intruding?” Let’s add one more level of muddiness! When an adult daughter goes through a particularly challenging time of life – and we have all been there – how much mothering does she really need…or want?

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