Decorating for Real Life

Thursday, April 12, 2012 by Melissa Meredith

Decorating for Real Life

A home straight from the pages of House Beautiful.  I had just moved into my first apartment and I could not wait to start decorating.  Never mind that the space was only 492 square feet with retro fixtures, century-old appliances, and…wait for it…mustard tile.  It was all mine and I had big plans for my tiny home.

Have you ever stopped to consider how you decorate your home?  Whether you realize it or not, how you decorate your home can foster hospitality.

Think about it.  As women, the home is our primary place of ministry (Titus 2:5, I Tim 5:14).  Learning how to be keepers of our homes involves more than managing the order and cleanliness, although these are very important skills to learn.  It also involves learning how to beautify a home.  However, beautifying your home is much more than just decorating.  It’s learning to create spaces that exude warmth and invite people to take off their shoes and stay awhile.

Just think for a moment how your own home is a place of ministry for your family, friends, and guests.  Playing board games around the table during Family Night.  Counseling a newlywed couple through their first disagreement.  Sharing laughter with your girlfriends over tea and scones.  Throwing a baby shower for an unsaved neighbor.  Inviting the college-aged girls over for a chick flick and popcorn. Yes, how we use our homes for outreach and to care for others can start with decorating for real life.  So what does Scripture say about this subject?  Let’s look at one woman who was praised by her family and the Lord for “looking well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27).

I think if the Proverbs 31 woman lived in the twenty-first century, she would be dubbed Pinterest Queen Bee! Can you just imagine her DIY (Do It Yourself) pin board?  Joking aside, we can learn from her.  Why?  Because her attentiveness to her home is God’s standard for our conduct.  Let’s look at Proverbs 31:10-31 more closely.

*   “the heart of her husband trusts in her” (verse 11): I dare say it is no coincidence that above all the things covered in this passage, this is the first thing that we learn about her.  What a compliment!  Her husband trusts in her to manage the home well.  No doubt this included how she spent their money and used her time and creativity to make their house a home.

*   “she works with willing hands” (verse 13): The Proverbs 31 woman works with willing hands because she has a willing heart.  She has embraced her role as attentive homemaker and valuable helper.  A word to my fellow single gals: God has so beautifully gifted our feminine hearts, minds, and hands to create a home.  Regardless of our martial statuses, we all need to learn how to make our homes a priority in our lives.

*   “she considers a field and buys it” (verse 16): Picture the following scenario with me.  There’s a sale at the local flea market.  The Proverbs 31 woman spots the most gorgeous midnight blue throw.  It is to die for. 100% camel hair.  50% off.  She sips her chai goat’s milk and considers the purchase.  It’s on sale…But I already have two.  But it’s reversible….But you don’t need it.  But it’s so soft!…But it’s not in the budget.  Sigh. And with the last sip of her chai she turns and walks away. Proverbs 4:1 says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”  It is wise to consider your budget, your needs, and your priorities.

*   “she opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (verse 20): The Proverbs 31 woman lives her life with open hands.  She doesn’t keep her possessions or blessings to herself.  Rather, she opens her heart and home to others to provide refuge, refreshment, and renewal.

*   “she makes bed coverings for herself” (verse 22): Oh, but Melissa, you don’t understand.  I don’t sew.  And Pinterest – not a fan!  In fact, I don’t have a creative bone in my body. I realize that not every woman considers herself ‘crafty.’ However, learning the art of DIY projects—however small—is a creative way to stay within your budget and have fun in the process. (more on DIY projects later).

*   She understands that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (verse 30): The Proverbs 31 woman understands that ultimately earthly possessions will fade away.  She is a woman who is not dependant upon her possessions to gain status or favor from her friends; rather, she finds her satisfaction in the Lord alone.  May we remember that how we decorate can foster hospitality; however, a beautiful house without a hospitable heart and hands is just a beautiful house.

So, practically speaking, how do you decorate a home that fosters hospitality?

It’s all about relationships: color, textures, and patterns.  Does your home need a splash of color?  Is your kitchen table a dumping ground for everything from junk mail to homework?  Do you think you have to sacrifice comfort for sophistication?  Do thoughts of color palettes, fabric patterns, and floor plans cause your hair to frizz?  Here are a few tips and tricks that will help you in your journey to creatively adorn a hospitable home.

Decorating Tips and Tricks

1. Reflect your Style: Everyone has a decorating style that’s all their own.  Have fun decorating your house!  While magazines and decorating website have great ideas to imitate, ultimately you will want to decorate with the things you love.  Below I have defined four major decorating styles. You might find out that you are a mixture of two.  For instance, my decorating style is Classic/Modern.  Knowing your style will help you when you are ready to start decorating.

  • Casual: Think traditional. Early-American furniture design. Country cottage. Shabby chic. Weathered look. Warm wood tones. Natural and muted color palette. Solid patterns.
  • Classic: Think a blend of traditional and sophisticated. Old-world element. Feminine detail. Dark woods. Neutral and soft color palette. Glass accents. Fine fabrics.
  • Vintage: Think layered look of flea-market finds. Handmade items, and antique treasures. Timeworn. Dusty and gem-toned color palette. Diverse fabric patterns. Decorative accents and artwork galore.
  • Modern: Think clean and contemporary. Colorblocking. Light and dark woods. Simple furniture. Bold accents. Geometric and abstract patterns.

2. Begin with a fresh start. Decorate one room at a time.  Start by defining the needs of your room first.  Clear out any clutter that does not fit these needs (Breathe, my fellow hoarders!).

3. Invest in substantial pieces. Spend money on the items that you will have for a lifetime, such as couches, statement chairs, and dining room tables.

4. Anchor in Neutrals, Accent in Patterns. Most likely, your style will evolve over time.  Therefore, it is better to buy big furniture pieces in neutral tones and accent smaller, decorative pieces (pillows, lamps, rugs) in patterns and colors.

5.  Color is your friend! One of the hardest things to do when decorating is to choose a color scheme.  However, bringing color to a room is an instant brightener and mood lifter. Rather than picking one single shade, bring in shades of color.  If you are longing for color in your home but overwhelmed by the rainbow of options, consider visiting www.design-seeds.com You can search their color palette by color value or theme and find hundreds of {really cute!} 5-tone color schemes.

6. Create conversation areas. Whoever said furniture has to stay on the walls?  Pull furniture away from the walls to create conversation areas for you and your guests to enjoy.

7. Make your own art.  Sites like Pinterest are a great way to inspire your own artwork (or involve your children or girlfriends).  If you need a little inspiration, I invite you to follow my DIY board at pinterest.com/pinklovelies.  The possibilities are endless and your wallet will thank you.

8. Group collections. Grouping gives collections cohesiveness and reduces the cluttered look.  Also, they make great conversation starters for guests.  Whether a gallery of family photos or your grandfather’s collection of cuckoo clocks, displaying things you are passionate about brings life and love into any home.

I encourage you to prayerfully consider how to use your home for outreach and care to others.  The way we decorate our homes can spark hospitality.  May we as Christian women be modern day Proverbs 31 women who create homes with willing hearts and hands.  May our homes provide hope and share the love of Christ for all who walk through our doors!  So go on, get your décor on! 

Melissa Meredith is pursuing a Master of Divinity in women’s studies at Southwestern Seminary. She loves decorating, dark chocolate gelato, and is passionate about teaching women God’s sacred design for set-apart femininity.Connect with Melissa on Facebook!

read more

Decorating for Real Life

Thursday, April 12, 2012 by Melissa Meredith

Decorating for Real Life

A home straight from the pages of House Beautiful.  I had just moved into my first apartment and I could not wait to start decorating.  Never mind that the space was only 492 square feet with retro fixtures, century-old appliances, and…wait for it…mustard tile.  It was all mine and I had big plans for my tiny home.

Have you ever stopped to consider how you decorate your home?  Whether you realize it or not, how you decorate your home can foster hospitality.

Think about it.  As women, the home is our primary place of ministry (Titus 2:5, I Tim 5:14).  Learning how to be keepers of our homes involves more than managing the order and cleanliness, although these are very important skills to learn.  It also involves learning how to beautify a home.  However, beautifying your home is much more than just decorating.  It’s learning to create spaces that exude warmth and invite people to take off their shoes and stay awhile.

Just think for a moment how your own home is a place of ministry for your family, friends, and guests.  Playing board games around the table during Family Night.  Counseling a newlywed couple through their first disagreement.  Sharing laughter with your girlfriends over tea and scones.  Throwing a baby shower for an unsaved neighbor.  Inviting the college-aged girls over for a chick flick and popcorn. Yes, how we use our homes for outreach and to care for others can start with decorating for real life.  So what does Scripture say about this subject?  Let’s look at one woman who was praised by her family and the Lord for “looking well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27).

I think if the Proverbs 31 woman lived in the twenty-first century, she would be dubbed Pinterest Queen Bee! Can you just imagine her DIY (Do It Yourself) pin board?  Joking aside, we can learn from her.  Why?  Because her attentiveness to her home is God’s standard for our conduct.  Let’s look at Proverbs 31:10-31 more closely.

*   “the heart of her husband trusts in her” (verse 11): I dare say it is no coincidence that above all the things covered in this passage, this is the first thing that we learn about her.  What a compliment!  Her husband trusts in her to manage the home well.  No doubt this included how she spent their money and used her time and creativity to make their house a home.

*   “she works with willing hands” (verse 13): The Proverbs 31 woman works with willing hands because she has a willing heart.  She has embraced her role as attentive homemaker and valuable helper.  A word to my fellow single gals: God has so beautifully gifted our feminine hearts, minds, and hands to create a home.  Regardless of our martial statuses, we all need to learn how to make our homes a priority in our lives.

*   “she considers a field and buys it” (verse 16): Picture the following scenario with me.  There’s a sale at the local flea market.  The Proverbs 31 woman spots the most gorgeous midnight blue throw.  It is to die for. 100% camel hair.  50% off.  She sips her chai goat’s milk and considers the purchase.  It’s on sale…But I already have two.  But it’s reversible….But you don’t need it.  But it’s so soft!…But it’s not in the budget.  Sigh. And with the last sip of her chai she turns and walks away. Proverbs 4:1 says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”  It is wise to consider your budget, your needs, and your priorities.

*   “she opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (verse 20): The Proverbs 31 woman lives her life with open hands.  She doesn’t keep her possessions or blessings to herself.  Rather, she opens her heart and home to others to provide refuge, refreshment, and renewal.

*   “she makes bed coverings for herself” (verse 22): Oh, but Melissa, you don’t understand.  I don’t sew.  And Pinterest – not a fan!  In fact, I don’t have a creative bone in my body. I realize that not every woman considers herself ‘crafty.’ However, learning the art of DIY projects—however small—is a creative way to stay within your budget and have fun in the process. (more on DIY projects later).

*   She understands that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (verse 30): The Proverbs 31 woman understands that ultimately earthly possessions will fade away.  She is a woman who is not dependant upon her possessions to gain status or favor from her friends; rather, she finds her satisfaction in the Lord alone.  May we remember that how we decorate can foster hospitality; however, a beautiful house without a hospitable heart and hands is just a beautiful house.

So, practically speaking, how do you decorate a home that fosters hospitality?

It’s all about relationships: color, textures, and patterns.  Does your home need a splash of color?  Is your kitchen table a dumping ground for everything from junk mail to homework?  Do you think you have to sacrifice comfort for sophistication?  Do thoughts of color palettes, fabric patterns, and floor plans cause your hair to frizz?  Here are a few tips and tricks that will help you in your journey to creatively adorn a hospitable home.

Decorating Tips and Tricks

1. Reflect your Style: Everyone has a decorating style that’s all their own.  Have fun decorating your house!  While magazines and decorating website have great ideas to imitate, ultimately you will want to decorate with the things you love.  Below I have defined four major decorating styles. You might find out that you are a mixture of two.  For instance, my decorating style is Classic/Modern.  Knowing your style will help you when you are ready to start decorating.

  • Casual: Think traditional. Early-American furniture design. Country cottage. Shabby chic. Weathered look. Warm wood tones. Natural and muted color palette. Solid patterns.
  • Classic: Think a blend of traditional and sophisticated. Old-world element. Feminine detail. Dark woods. Neutral and soft color palette. Glass accents. Fine fabrics.
  • Vintage: Think layered look of flea-market finds. Handmade items, and antique treasures. Timeworn. Dusty and gem-toned color palette. Diverse fabric patterns. Decorative accents and artwork galore.
  • Modern: Think clean and contemporary. Colorblocking. Light and dark woods. Simple furniture. Bold accents. Geometric and abstract patterns.

2. Begin with a fresh start. Decorate one room at a time.  Start by defining the needs of your room first.  Clear out any clutter that does not fit these needs (Breathe, my fellow hoarders!).

3. Invest in substantial pieces. Spend money on the items that you will have for a lifetime, such as couches, statement chairs, and dining room tables.

4. Anchor in Neutrals, Accent in Patterns. Most likely, your style will evolve over time.  Therefore, it is better to buy big furniture pieces in neutral tones and accent smaller, decorative pieces (pillows, lamps, rugs) in patterns and colors.

5.  Color is your friend! One of the hardest things to do when decorating is to choose a color scheme.  However, bringing color to a room is an instant brightener and mood lifter. Rather than picking one single shade, bring in shades of color.  If you are longing for color in your home but overwhelmed by the rainbow of options, consider visiting www.design-seeds.com You can search their color palette by color value or theme and find hundreds of {really cute!} 5-tone color schemes.

6. Create conversation areas. Whoever said furniture has to stay on the walls?  Pull furniture away from the walls to create conversation areas for you and your guests to enjoy.

7. Make your own art.  Sites like Pinterest are a great way to inspire your own artwork (or involve your children or girlfriends).  If you need a little inspiration, I invite you to follow my DIY board at pinterest.com/pinklovelies.  The possibilities are endless and your wallet will thank you.

8. Group collections. Grouping gives collections cohesiveness and reduces the cluttered look.  Also, they make great conversation starters for guests.  Whether a gallery of family photos or your grandfather’s collection of cuckoo clocks, displaying things you are passionate about brings life and love into any home.

I encourage you to prayerfully consider how to use your home for outreach and care to others.  The way we decorate our homes can spark hospitality.  May we as Christian women be modern day Proverbs 31 women who create homes with willing hearts and hands.  May our homes provide hope and share the love of Christ for all who walk through our doors!  So go on, get your décor on! 

Melissa Meredith is pursuing a Master of Divinity in women’s studies at Southwestern Seminary. She loves decorating, dark chocolate gelato, and is passionate about teaching women God’s sacred design for set-apart femininity.Connect with Melissa on Facebook!

read more

The Glory of the Mundane

Tuesday, April 10, 2012 by Elizabeth Owens

The Glory of the Mundane

Hear, O Israel.  The Lord our God, the Lord is one!  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:4 – 9

 

This Old Testament passage, known to those of the Jewish faith as the Shema, was spoken by Moses to the children of Israel as they were about to enter the Promised Land.  It is a great passage for parents; it contains some of my favorite verses of instruction for teaching and training my children.  But don’t stop reading if you are not a mom, because those are not the verses I am focusing on right now, and what I have to say applies to you, too!

The last two sentences describe actions that are not familiar to most of us.  If you were to visit the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem you would see Jewish men praying, and you might see some of them wearing phylacteries.  Phylacteries are strips of leather that are wound around the arm and hand, and around the head. They are attached to small square leather boxes that contain portions of scripture.  One box would be visible on the forehead, the other would be on the upper arm.  These are what the verses above are describing.

“So what does that have to do with me?” you may be thinking.

Moms, I’ll start with you.  There are days in the life of a mother, especially a mother of preschoolers that seem filled with tasks that are repeated over and over again.  You change diapers, wash dishes, fold laundry, change diapers, wipe runny noses, wash little hands, change diapers, pick up toys, fix meals, clean the bathroom, change diapers, and on and on.  You may hear from others that you lead a boring life of an endless repetition of menial tasks.  Some days you might even start to believe that.

When I have days like that, I try to remember God’s directive to the Israelites, to bind His scriptures to their hands.  I may not actually see straps wound around my fingers and hands, but I can imagine them there as I use my hands to care for those I love the most, those whom God has entrusted to me to nurture and raise for His glory.  I think of Ecclesiastes 9:10a which tells me, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might;” and I begin to find glory and even joy in the mundane, as I serve God by serving my family, caring for their most basic needs with my hands.

The Jewish man who wears the straps on his hands sees them as he prays, just as I “see” the straps as I use my hands to serve God.  But he does not see the box of Scriptures bound on his forehead; instead it is seen by all who look on his face, and is a testimony to his desire to obey God.

In the same way, others may not see a box of verses on my forehead when they look at me, but what do they see?

What do my children see?  Do they see an angry mom, an impatient mom, a sad and frustrated mom?  Or do they see a face that reflects the peace and joy that only Jesus can give?  Do they see God’s love for them on my face in the midst of a hectic day filled with all the seemingly trivial tasks, endlessly repeated, but so necessary to the care of a family? Now the truth is that while moms are often told that their days contain mindless tasks, the same can be said about almost any job in the world.  They all have some element of necessary but mind-numbing requirements.  Ask any nurse, or teacher, or pilot, or engineer, or bus driver, or student, or whoever!

So for those of you reading this who are not moms, here is your challenge:  As you go about your work each day and you use your hands for paperwork, or checklists, or whatever it is that you wish you didn’t have to do, learn to find the joy of serving God even in the repetitious or mundane tasks. Strive to complete them with excellence, “with your might,” for God’s glory.  And when those with whom you work look on your face, will they see an angry co-worker, an impatient co-worker, a sad and frustrated co-worker, or will they see a face that reflects the love and joy that only Jesus can give, a face filled with God’s peace, even in the midst of a hectic day?

One final thought.  The last verse describes what is known as a mezuzah—a small box or cylinder containing scripture, which is fastened to the doorposts of a home.  All who enter that home see it and know that those who live there value scripture and seek to obey God’s laws.

We may not have scriptures attached to our doorposts, but do all who enter our homes discover that those who live in them love Jesus and are trying to order their lives around his Word?

This applies to all of us, married or single, with or without children, living in a mansion or in a tiny apartment. Our homes should be a place of peace and joy, a refuge for our families first of all, and then for all others who walk through our doors.  May we allow God to so order our homes, our families, and our lives, that even our dwellings become a testimony to His grace and salvation.

Elizabeth Owens is the wife of Waylan Owens, Dean of the School of Church and Family Ministries,  the mother of Blayne, Joshua, Grace, and Mary, and the mother-in-law of Cari.  She has served as a nurse, a pastor’s wife, and a professor’s wife, and is in her 18th year of homeschooling. She enjoys reading books and drinking tea – especially at the same time!

read more

Should You Teach a Mixed Bible Study?

Wednesday, April 4, 2012 by Candi Finch

Should You Teach a Mixed Bible Study?

Should A Woman Teach a Mixed Adult Bible Study? Over the last few years, I have heard many different variations of the question about whether a woman should teach adult men and women in Bible study:

  • Should a woman teach a mixed adult Bible study – a Sunday school class, Bible study, or small group?
  • Is it okay as long as she co-teaches with her husband?
  • Is it okay as long as she does it under the authority of her pastor and her husband?
  • If she has the spiritual gift of teaching, why can’t a woman teach a class of men and women?

I think these are great questions when I hear them because it usually indicates that the woman desires to line up under the authority of Scripture, and she is just wrestling with how to apply the Bible faithfully to her life.  So, before I take a stab at answering the above questions, let’s briefly see what the Bible has to say on the subject.

 

What Does the Bible Say?

Wouldn’t it be great if we could find an exhaustive list in Scripture of every possible teaching situation and a note about whether or not women should teach in those situations? You know something like: preaching in church – no; teaching children – yes; teaching a women’s Bible study – yes; etc. Unfortunately, you cannot find such a list anywhere in Scripture. However, the Bible gives us several principles to guide us in this discussion.

  • In Titus 2:3-5, older women are encouraged and commanded to teach and train younger women. So, we do know that women should teach other women in church.
  • In 1 Timothy 2:12, women are commanded not to teach or have authority over a man in the church. We know that Paul is referring specifically to the church because in 1 Tim. 3:15 he tells Timothy that he is writing the letter so that Timothy would know how people should conduct themselves in the “household of God.” So, this passage gives women two boundaries in the church – they are not to teach men or exercise authority over men in the church.

I have heard several people appeal to the Baptist Faith and Message 2000 statement on the church (article 6) as warrant for why is it okay for women to teach a mixed Sunday school class. The article says, “While both men and women are gifted for service in the church, the office of pastor is limited to men as qualified by Scripture” (http://www.sbc.net/bfm/bfm2000.asp).  Since only the office of pastor is mentioned as being restricted to men, some people have reasoned that women can do anything else in the church. What must be kept in mind is that the BF&M 2000 is not an exhaustive guide—it is a minimal statement upon which Baptist churches can agree. Because of the principle found in 1 Tim. 2:12, women should not serve as pastors because a pastor teaches men and exercises authority over men. However, that does not mean that women can serve in any other capacity in the church.

 

Applying  the Principles

Keeping all of this in mind, let’s look at the specific questions I mentioned above:

1. Should a woman teach a mixed adult Bible study – a Sunday school class, Bible study, or small group? The answer to this question is “no” because a woman teaching in any of these settings in the church would be teaching men, and that is prohibited by 1 Tim. 2:12.

2. Is it okay as long as she co-teaches with her husband? Again, I would have to answer “no” to this question because even if she co-teaches with her husband, she is still teaching men even if it is only part of the time.

3. Is it okay as long as she does it under the authority of her pastor and her husband? If something is prohibited by Scripture, then a pastor or husband does not have the right to override the commandment or prohibition. Scripture, not any human authority, must be the final word.

4. If she has the spiritual gift of teaching, why can’t a woman teach a class of men and women? It is true that in the spiritual gifts lists found in Scripture, no gift is ever restricted by gender. However, just because a person has a certain spiritual gift, that does not mean that she can exercise it any way she would like. Women are given the gift of teaching to teach other women and children for the building up of the body of Christ. I am distressed when I hear women say that it is a “waste” of her gift if she is only allowed to teach women and children—women and children are a worthy investment!

What is at Stake?

Both men and women are created in God’s image. Just because God has given some distinctions in roles for men and women, that does not mean women are any less valued or any less important in His plan. God chose to make men and women different and chose to give distinctions in roles, specifically as it pertains to the church and the home, in order to teach important truths about His relationship to humanity.  When we do things God’s way in regards to the way the church operates and in regards to the marriage relationship, a lost world should be able to see a picture of the gospel.

Christians must be committed to correctly handling that whole of Scripture; we cannot shy away from those passages that are difficult or uncomfortable.  In our day and age, any passage that relates to gender roles is a hot button issue. While I understand that the position that I have outlined above is not popular, even among some Baptist churches, I do believe it is the biblical position.

Candi Finch serves as Assistant Professor of Theology in Women’s Studies at Southwestern and is nearing the end of her PhD studying systematic theology. She loves used book stores, getting to teach young women, and eating any food she doesn’t have to cook herself!  Her secret ambition in life is to compete on Survivor or The Amazing Race. Connect with Candi on Facebook!

read more

Everyday Haven: Seasons of Mentoring

Tuesday, March 27, 2012 by Pat Ennis

Everyday Haven: Seasons of Mentoring

It’s spring! The trees are budding, the grass is greening, flowers are bursting forth with color – allergies are afflicting those who are sensitive to pollen!  As a new Texas resident this spring I experienced allergies for the first time.  I don’t care for them but I do love spring and summer!  However, like the pollen that comes with the flowers, each season has its beauty and challenges – the same is true of the seasons of mentoring. Last month I shared with you the biblical mentoring strategies outlined in Titus 2:3-5, a passage that provides the biblical foundation for understanding the mentoring relationship.  The book of Ruth gives us a real-life example of how woman-to-woman mentoring should work.  This month I am excited to share with you the seasons of mentoring!

The Season of Contact

The Season of Contact is first characterized by discussing the expectations of the relationship. It is not to be a dependent relationship, but simply a growing friendship that emerges as time is spent with a woman who possesses the character, knowledge, skills, expertise, and experience that the younger woman desires to assimilate into her life.  Our wise heavenly Father brings a variety of temperaments together to sharpen one another in the mentoring relationship (Prov. 27:17).   Sometimes the mentor and mentoree will be very similar; other times they will be very different.  Regardless of the temperaments of the younger and older women, the Season of Contact begins with respect for the older woman and a desire to learn from her life experiences.

The Season of Coaching

The Season of Coaching suggests that the younger and older woman know one another, their individual interests, their future goals as well as their previous experiences.  The younger woman’s struggles and victories with sin, the joys and difficulties of career and relationships, and the need for spiritual maturity provide the catalyst for her to probe the depths of the older woman’s treasure chest of wisdom (Prov. 16:31). The Season of Coaching transitions to the Season of Counseling as the relationship matures.  As with each of the seasons, it is impossible to place a period on this season or to assume that the “Season Cycle” will continue.

The Season of Counseling

The older woman is to be open, vulnerable, and modeling behavior that reflects her spiritual age.  Her goal is to become so filled with God that He will make her a woman of great spiritual power (Prov. 31:26).  Several words describe the behavior of the younger and older woman during the Season of Counseling—the younger woman is teachable, as the older woman is discerning.  Essentially, the younger woman desires to absorb the wisdom of the older woman and allow the older woman to teach her. The older woman is quick to discern whether her response will be active or passive.  She offers counsel when she is asked and possesses the discernment to either offer or withhold assistance when she is not.  The older woman prayerfully offers spiritual nourishment through encouragement, admonition, and reproof (Prov. 15:23, 24:26, 25:11, 31:26; Ephesians 4:29-32). [i]

  • Encourage (Gk. protrepo) means to urge forward or to persuade.  As the mentor, the older woman must look for ways to intentionally encourage on a regular basis so that when admonition or reproof is needed the younger woman is pliable rather than hardened by having consistently received harsh words.
  • Admonition (Gk. nouthesia) means “training by word,” whether of encouragement, or, if necessary, by reproof or remonstrance.  The older woman will be careful to use the Word of God as a source for any admonition.
  • Reproof (Gk. elegmos) refers to conviction or rebuke.  2 Tim. 3:16-17 provides the biblical pattern for reproof –“all Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

Often the mentoring relationship remains at the Season of Counseling.

The Season of Companionship

Should the mentoring relationship continue, one day the Season of Counseling gently fades into theSeason of Companionship.  Just as the difference between the final day of winter and the first day of spring is subtle, so is the transition that marks the disappearance of intergenerational boundaries when the relationship turns to friendship. Characteristic of the Season of Companionship is the willingness on the part of women to share intimately.  The older woman should be willing to share at the same level of disclosure that the younger woman is sharing and both exercise caution as they move slowly into intimate sharing.  Vulnerability is evidenced as convictions, joys and disappointments, weaknesses, failures and fears, victories and successes are shared.

The Season of Spiritual Continuance

The Season of Continuance, is a season of spiritual replication. As a new younger woman desires to be mentored, the existing younger woman becomes the mature woman or spiritual mother while the older woman transitions to the role of spiritual grandmother.  The truth of 1 John 1:4 is evident in the lives of both the now-mature and older woman as the “Seasons Cycle” replicates itself.  The roles of the mature and older woman reverse in the Season of Spiritual Continuance—the mature woman charts the direction and the older woman supports her.  When asked, the older woman merges into the intergenerational relationship; when she is not, she receives pleasure in viewing it from a distance.  Using care not to usurp the mature woman’s position, the older woman shares her spiritual mentoree’s joys and sorrows.  As she “rejoices with them that do rejoice, and weeps with them that weep” (Rom. 12:15), the spiritual legacy of the older woman mirrors the words of the Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 1:3-5.

The daily mentoring relationship I have with two of the women I work with has moved through these various seasons of mentoring and will soon be coming to an end; one of the young women graduates and the other is moving on to a new professional position.  We are rapidly approaching the season of companionship.  It is my prayer that our gracious heavenly Father will allow to our relationship to continue and that He will mature them into their own season of continuance as they pass along the lessons they have learned, so that I have the privilege of saying of them,  “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth,” (3 John 1:4).

Dr. Patricia Ennis is a Distinguished Professor of Homemaking at Southwestern Seminary. She has authored several works, including Precious in the Sight of GodThe Art of Becoming a Godly WomanPracticing Hospitality, the Joy of Serving Others (with Lisa Tatlock), and Becoming a Young Woman Who Pleases God, A Teen’s Guide to Developing Her Biblical Potential.


[i] Word study for encouragement, admonition, and reproof conducted through LOGOS BIBLE  software, version 4.5

read more

Related Posts

Share This

Burnt Aprons and The Gospel

Thursday, March 8, 2012 by Melissa Meredith

Burnt Aprons and The Gospel

My Anthropologie apron and I have been through a lot together.  Its charred yellow polka dot fabric, singed teal ruffle, and frayed fuchsia waist ties tell stories of my many battles with macaroons, meringue pie, and Crock-Pot Mac ‘n cheese.  And while I should probably retire the ratty looking thing, I cannot bring myself to throw it away.  Why?  Because, it has been while wearing that apron that God has taught me the art of biblical hospitality.

I believe that most Christian women desire to be known as ladies with hospitable hearts and homes.  Many women feel limited, however, in their ability to practice hospitality in their everyday lives.  My home is just too small; there’s no extra space.  My husband does not enjoy entertaining guests.  My budget doesn’t allow me to extend hospitality even though I desire to. My attempt at cooking is usually followed by a visit from the local fire department. Believe me, I can relate!  However, all of these challenges stem from a misguided understanding of true hospitality.  Hospitality is not dependant on your home mirroring the pages of House Beautiful or mastering Martha Stewart’s latest recipe. (Thank goodness!)  While we, of course, desire our homes to be pleasant and welcoming havens for our families and guests, hospitality is so much more than that.

Biblical hospitality is simply an overflow of gratitude and thanksgiving for the ultimate act of hospitality: the gospel.

read more

Is It Greek to You? Interpreting Romans 16:7

Tuesday, February 28, 2012 by Candi Finch

Is It Greek to You? Interpreting Romans 16:7

Greet Andronicus and Junia, my countrymen and my fellow prisoners, who are of note among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me (Rom. 16:7, NKJV).

I am willing to guess that you probably have not spent a lot of time pouring over Romans 16:7. In fact, much like the genealogies with lists of unfamiliar names in portions of the Old and New Testaments, a person could find herself racing through the “greetings” section in Romans 16 without spending a lot of thought on its significance.

In Romans 16, Paul sends greetings to specific people in the church in Rome, and several of the people found in the list are women. However, this chapter where Paul is essentially just giving “shout outs” to noteworthy believers laboring in the Roman church has become a virtual battleground between complementarian and egalitarian biblical interpreters. One particular disagreement occurs over Romans 16:7 and a person named Junia (or Junias, as some biblical scholars have argued). Why the controversy over this short verse and little-known person? There are three reasons:

  1. Is the person named Junia (feminine name) or Junias (masculine name)?
  2. Is the phrase following the names best translated “outstanding among the apostles” or “well-known to the apostles”?
  3. What is the meaning of the Greek word translated “apostles”?

What is at stake with the answers to these questions?

 If, indeed, Junia is a woman and Paul calls her a capital “A” Apostle as egalitarians believe, then it would mean that a woman held the highest leadership position in the early church. However, in 1 Corinthians 11 and 1 Timothy 2, Paul gives some boundaries for women in exercising leadership roles within the church (i.e., women are allowed to pray and prophesy in the church as long as they do so in a way that demonstrates an attitude of submission and women are not to teach or exercise authority over men in the church). So, if the egalitarian understanding of Junia is correct, then either Paul contradicts himself or you must find a different understanding of the passages in 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy.

Scot McKnight, an egalitarian professor at North Park University, criticized complementarians’ treatment of Romans 16:7 in a recent article called “Shifting Footings” in the Christians for Biblical Equality Arise e-Newsletter on February 2, 2012.  In his conclusion he pleads with complementarians to “let the Bible say what it says.” However, a quick glance at some of the common English translations like the ESV, NIV, NASB, NKJV, and HCSB will show you that the translators have struggled over how to accurately translate the Greek of Romans 16:7; the case for this verse will not be made without serious examination of the Greek text.

Before we go through the three issues, let me tell you my conclusion up front. I think Junia was a woman, though, if it turns out that she was a man, it doesn’t wreak my faith. It is possible that she was married to Andronicus and that they served as missionaries—forerunners to the likes of Jim and Elisabeth Elliott or Adoniram and Ann Judson. The fact that I disagree with an egalitarian understanding that says that Junia was an Apostle does not mean that I am diminishing the real significance of Junia’s ministry. I am simply trying to “let the Bible say what it says” like McKnight urged after giving serious consideration to the evidence of the Greek text.

Junia or Junias?

The name in the Greek text is Iounian, and because of the case of the word in the Greek text, it is possible that the normal (lexical) form of the word could be either Junia or Junias. So, at this point, translators have been forced to make a judgment call. The NIV and NASB translate the name as Junias. The NKJV, ESV, and HCSB translate the name as Junia. In addition, several of those translations (NASB, HCSB, ESV) include footnotes letting the readers know of the alternate, possible translation for the name. So, if the name is Junias, meaning that this person was a man, then it really doesn’t matter how you resolve the other two questions. But let’s go with the understanding that the person was a woman at this point. Junia was a common woman’s name in Latin, and since Paul was writing to the church at Rome, Latin names would have been common.

“Outstanding among the apostles” or “Well-known to the apostles”?

The “who” phrase after Andronicus and Junia, Paul’s fellow countrymen and fellow prisoners, has been translated as “outstanding among the apostles” (NASB, NIV) or “of note among the apostles” (NKJV) or “well-known to the apostles” (ESV) or “noteworthy in the eyes of the apostles” (HCSB). The issue is whether or not the prepositional phrase en tois apostolois should be translated as “among the apostles” or “by/to the apostles.”

The question is whether or not this pair was counted as apostles or whether they were just known by the apostles.

Wayne Grudem in his book Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth makes the case that the most recent research in Greek grammar would lead one to understand the verse as “well-known to the apostles.” It is why more recent English translations like the ESV and HCSB render the phrase with the nuance of meaning that this pair was known by the apostles and not counted among them as apostles. If this is the case, then it doesn’t matter how you resolve the final question of the meaning of the word apostle, but for the sake of teasing this argument out, let’s say that the phrase should be rendered “well-known among the apostles.” Is it possible that Paul, who clearly gives boundaries for women in exercising church leadership in some of his other letters (see I Tim. 2 and 3; 1 Cor. 11), is saying that Junia was an apostle?

Significance of Word “Apostles”?

The word apostolos is used the New Testament as a technical title when referring to Apostles, like the twelve or Paul. However, the word also means “messenger” or “one who is sent.” It is similar to the word diakonos which can be translated as the title Deacon, when referring to a specific office of the church, or as “servant or slave” in other cases when the text is not talking about the church position.

For instance, the word apostolos is used in John 13:16, “Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.” Jesus uses the word here to refer to a messenger and not the technical title of Apostle (see Phil 2:25 and 2 Cor. 8:23 for similar uses of this word). In addition, many Greek scholars have concluded that the term apostolos could have the nuance of meaning a “travelling missionary” since a missionary is “one who is sent.” Given the fact that the New Testament does not use the official title apostolos to refer to anyone other than Paul and the Twelve, the word in Romans 16:7 is best understood as “messengers” or “travelling missionaries.”

The conclusion one should draw from this little trip through Greek grammar and definitions is that the case for Junia as an Apostle is not so cut and dry as egalitarians would claim. In fact, the evidence is thin at best and built upon a very speculative argument. A discussion like this should encourage you in your own Bible study to learn how to be a person “who correctly handles the truth” (2 Tim. 2:15). Our job in studying the Bible is to allow the text to determine the meaning and not read into the text what we may want it to say.

Candi Finch serves as Assistant Professor of Theology in Women’s Studies at Southwestern and is nearing the end of her PhD studying systematic theology. She loves used book stores, getting to teach young women, and eating any food she doesn’t have to cook herself!  Her secret ambition in life is to compete on Survivor or The Amazing Race. Connect with Candi on Facebook!

read more