Being A Mom When She’s All Grown Up

Thursday, January 31, 2013 by Terri Stovall

Mother-Daughter relationships can be complicated.  At each stage of life it seems like there is this constant tension. For mothers, it is trying to strike the balance of wanting to continue teaching and nurturing on the one hand, while allowing her daughter to be strong, confident, and independent on the other. For daughters, the tension is almost the opposite. They seek to be strong, confident, and independent but, almost secretly, long for that long-term nurturing and teaching that only a mom can give.

This tension seems to be even more complicated when trying to figure out how to mother an adult daughter. Many mothers have done well in launching their daughters into life and are proud of the women they have become. They sit back and admire their daughters as wonderful wives and mothers. Some mothers have especially raised their daughters to be strong, independent, self-assured women who can hold their own in a world that is hard and dangerous.

But this leaves many a mom wondering whether she can still be a mother to her adult daughter… “Do I be her friend or do I be her mother?” “How much advice does she really want?”  “Am I intruding?” Let’s add one more level of muddiness! When an adult daughter goes through a particularly challenging time of life – and we have all been there – how much mothering does she really need…or want?

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Making History Come Alive for Your Children

Thursday, October 11, 2012 by Elizabeth Owens

The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God remains forever.  Isaiah 40:8

If you live in the Fort Worth area, or plan a trip there before January 13 (and you should, just to take advantage of this opportunity!) you must be sure to visit the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.  In addition to the 21 scroll fragments, several of which have never been before viewed by the public, there are numerous photographs and artifacts from the time periods leading up to the scrolls, as well as old copies of New Testament pages and a display of early Bibles.

Every display is clearly labeled, and there are docents present to give tours and answer questions, but if you want your children to come away with the maximum understanding of the amazing story of the scrolls, there are some things you can do before your visit to prepare them.  Having been through the exhibit six times now myself, I have come up with some ideas you can use to get your children ready for this once in a lifetime experience.

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Teaching Your Kids to Love the Word, Pt. 2

Thursday, July 19, 2012 by Elizabeth Owens

Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You. -Psalm 119:11

Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. -Psalm 119:105

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. -II Timothy 3:16, 17

As a parent one of my desires for my children is that they grow up learning to love God’s word and live according to it. Because children learn by example, it is important that I live a life grounded in the Word before them, reading it, studying it, basing decisions on its teachings. But I also need to be active in introducing the Bible into their lives.  I can do this by reading it to them, and also by guiding them to memorize it, to hide its words in their hearts.

At what age should we begin working on scripture memory with children? I would suggest that this should start even before the child is born.  Thomas Verny, in his book The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, recounts the story of a conductor who realized that he already knew the cello parts of some of the musical works he was studying as he prepared for concerts.  When he talked about this with his mother, a cellist, they realized that these were the pieces that she had been practicing while she was pregnant with him.

Studies have shown that unborn babies can hear, react to their surroundings, and learn.  By about the sixth month of pregnancy a baby begins to recognize his parents’ voices and speech patterns.  It has even been demonstrated that his mother’s speech has an effect on his body movements and rhythms.  What better thing could he begin to learn than the cadences of Scripture, read to him by his parents!

After the child is born, keep reading Scripture to him! While he will not understand the words at first, he will begin to learn them before you will expect it. Repeat verses and passages that you want him to memorize.  You may be amazed at what he will be able to quote once he begins talking.  One has only to hear little children singing along with and reciting television commercials to know that they have the ability to memorize scripture!

We worked with our children on scripture memory from their earliest days.  In hindsight, I wish we had had a more structured plan.  Although we were intentional, we could have been more organized.  Here are three verses that we started with:

John 3:16, For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Ephesians 6:1, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Proverbs 20:11, Even a child is known by his deeds, Whether what he does is pure and right.

Guide them to learn other verses about how to live for Jesus, such as Psalm 119:11, 105, and Philippians 4:8, and about God’s care for them, such as I Peter 5:7.   As you read through the Bible on your own, note verses that you think would be helpful for your children to know, perhaps one that deals with an issue specific to your child.

You may encounter some who think young children should not memorize verses because they say the children will not understand all they are quoting.  We were once criticized for encouraging our young children to learn Ephesians 6:1; we were told that our child was too young to know what “in the Lord” meant.  We had two answers for that.  The first was that that is one reason that God gave children parents, so they could explain things to them on their level and help them understand.  My husband gave the second answer, when he responded by saying, “I’m not sure that I understand fully what ‘in the Lord’ means, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t learn the verse.”

As a pre-schooler your child can begin learning facts about the Bible.  How many parts does the Bible have?  Two.  What are the names of the two parts? The Old Testament and the New Testament. What does the Old Testament tell us? It tells us how God created the world and people, and about how they were waiting for Jesus. What does the New Testament tell us?  It tells about Jesus, and the people who loved and obeyed him. These are very simple answers; they can be expanded on as the child grows and understands more.  Older pre-schoolers can learn to pronounce and list the books of the Bible.

How do you teach verses and Bible facts to children? Here Deuteronomy 6:6-7 can be your guide: when you sit, when you walk (or drive,) when you lie down, when you rise up.  Most pre-schoolers will not sit still for a long memorizing session.  But if you say a verse to them, or five Bible books, or one Bible fact, each time you sit down to eat, and then when you finish a meal, and before each nap and bedtime, and when you are riding in the car, and when it applies to something they are doing, you will be amazed at how quickly they will be able to quote it with you.

As your children become school-aged, you need to add scripture passages to your plan, such as Psalm 23, Psalm 100, the Model Prayer, and the Luke story of Jesus’s birth.  At this point your church may have a Scripture memory program such as Bible Drill, Awanas, or an in-house developed program, as our church currently does.  It can be helpful to plug into these programs, to have home and church working together to see that our children are memorizing God’s word.

If your children have passed the early stages of childhood and you have not worked on Scripture memory with them, it is never too late to start! Begin with John 3:16, Ephesians 6:1, verses in Romans about salvation, and work on knowing the books of the Bible.  If you have never learned some of these verses or Bible facts yourself, ask your child to help you learn as he learns, and work together to hide God’s Word in your hearts.

Elizabeth Owens is the wife of Waylan Owens, Dean of the School of Church and Family Ministries,  the mother of Blayne, Joshua, Grace, and Mary, and the mother-in-law of Cari.  She has served as a nurse, a pastor’s wife, and a professor’s wife, and is in her 18th year of homeschooling. She enjoys reading books and drinking tea – especially at the same time!

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Road Trip! (Part 1)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012 by Amanda Walker

Is your spiritual life going through a summer slump? Check out the Go Deeper section at the end of Amanda’s study on the Armor of God and stay tuned for Part 2 this Thursday!

Last month, my husband and I made a trip out to Ft. Worth so I could take a class at Southwestern. Before I had Makaylan, these trips were incredibly easy. I would pack only what I needed for the week, along with my books, assignments, and computer. There was no need for my husband to go with me, and it was a time in which I poured over my studies. Much has changed in the last year. Now, someone, whether it is my husband or my mother, goes with me, and we have to pack the car with a baby bath tub, toys, pack-n-play, baby food, bottles, walker, portable high chair, and the list goes on. I would not dare leave any of these valuable items behind.

As I prepared to leave, God began to convict me of how often I do not pack well for myself, leaving valuable items behind, making me unprepared in my spiritual life. In Ephesians 6:13 Paul, through the Spirit, reminds us to “take up the full armor of God.” God wants us to be prepared when the evil day arises. He not only wants us to be prepared, He desires for us to be able to stand firm when that day comes. In the verses that follow, God then lays out for us six things to take along with us to help us in this journey.

We are first to take up the “belt of truth.” (vs. 14)

We live in a world where we are bombarded with lies and deceit. Situations that appear to come from God can actually be a scheme and ploy of the enemy.

The only way we will recognize the enemy and his tactics is if we know the Truth, which is found in God’s Word.

Life is busy, and if you have little ones, it seems like there is no time in which you can get alone with God. But if we do not spend time pouring over God’s Word and knowing His truth, then we will be unprepared. Since becoming a mother, my idea of a quiet time has drastically changed. During my single days and pre-motherhood days, I used to spend an hour in communion with God. I did that for years. But when Makaylan blessed our lives, things changed. God has often reminded me that it is not necessarily the rigid amount of time I spend with my eyes closed in prayer or my head down reading His Word, but it is the fact that I daily come to Him seeking to know His truth. Some days I still get my beloved hour, and some days I get only 10 minutes of quiet before she wakes up or before something happens. The wonderful thing about being in relationship with our God is that He is personal. He knows each situation we face, and He desires to give us His truth as we come to Him.

Secondly, we are to put on the “breastplate of righteousness.” (vs. 14)

If you notice, the “belt of truth” comes before the “breastplate of righteousness.”

We cannot live a righteous, holy life unless we first know God’s truth.

When looking at the Greek word for “righteousness,” one of its meanings is “correctness of thinking, feeling, and acting.”[1] As women, it is easy for us to begin not to think and then feel correctly. My daughter just turned one, and I will have our second daughter in 3-4 weeks. I used to pride myself in how calm and collected I was in my thoughts and emotions, but that is no longer an issue of pride for me. One moment I can be OK and in control of my emotions, and the next moment the enemy attacks or my flesh desires to take control. I have often cried out for God’s righteousness and holiness to be displayed in my emotions. We live in a culture where women’s emotions can and do control their actions, and it is totally acceptable. We blame our outbursts on hormones, pregnancy, our children, our husbands, etc. Yet, God’s Word commands us “put on the breastplate of righteousness.” This putting on is an intentional action, and it does not happen by accident. God made us to be women who display His glory, and living in an unrighteous manner (through our emotions and actions) is not acceptable. Let us make a commitment to no longer use the excuse, “I’m just being hormonal today!” Instead, let us put on the breastplate of righteousness and show the world that, through God’s help, we can be women who live with their emotions and actions under God’s control.

The third step is to put on the shoes of peace. (vs. 15)

Peace. I think that is a word that most women wish characterized their lives. This use of the word peace is so beautiful when you look at it in its original context. Strong’s says, “the word does not primarily denote a relationship between several people, or an attitude, but a state, i.e., ‘time of peace’ or ‘state of peace…’”[2] And what gives us this peace? Scripture says the gospel of Christ is the only source of truth and abiding peace. I love that! If you were to walk into my home, you might see toys on the floor, a one year-old scooting around, and a mother playing with her child (sometimes very loudly). I used to define peace as an absence of noise and a place of tranquility. Now days, my house is far from tranquil, but I am thankful God often allows it to be a place of peace.

I can be at peace with my husband because of Christ’s gospel. My house can be a haven of peace because of that same gospel. And I can be ready to share that peace with others because of the gospel.

But, we cannot know and experience peace unless we first have put on the “belt of truth” and the “breastplate of righteousness.”

Packing for a road trip is not always easy, especially with a little one. We work so hard not to forget anything that is critical.  Likewise, packing for life is, oftentimes, also a difficult task, but it is something that we do not have to do in our own flesh. Actually, we cannot stand firm against the enemy apart from relying on God and the Spirit that lives within us. My prayer for us today is that we would know and be affirmed in the truth that God is for us, and He desires for us to live a victorious life, through the power of Christ.

GO DEEPER! For your own personal reflection, or with a group:

1. Has there ever been a time when you left the house unprepared? How did that affect the rest of your day? What about a time when you were unprepared for what faced you in life (a troubled relationship, a diagnosis, a personal difficulty)? How did that affect your responses?
2. According to Ephesians 6:10, how is true strength defined? How might that change the way you approach spiritual struggles? Check out Ephesians 3:16 and 20. Whose power is at work in us through our spiritual battles? (Compare with Philippians 2:13 and Romans 8:12-17)
3. In Ephesians 6:11, what is the verb used to describe why we are to “put on the full armor of God”? (For even more encouragement to “stand,” check out this SWBTS chapel sermon by Josh Smith from 2/09/12!)

Amanda Walker is in the Doctorate of Educational Ministries program at Southwestern. Her greatest joy is serving alongside her husband who is the University Minister at Cook Baptist Church in Ruston, Louisiana, and being the mother of an incredible daughter with a second daughter on her way. In her “free” time she enjoys a good chat over a cup of coffee. Connect with Amanda on Facebook!

 

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Does the Fight for Marriage Really Matter?

Thursday, May 17, 2012 by Terri Stovall

In recent months, marriage has taken center stage both on the national level and in discussions among believers.

Last week, North Carolina voters approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages and joined 30 other states that have already done the same. North Carolina went so far as to ban civil unions recognizing marriage as the only legal domestic partnership.

After this historic vote, President Barack Obama declared his support for homosexual marriages citing his opinion had evolved through the years, which, in turn, set off a rapid-fire response of both praise and condemnation from all sides.

We can all agree that marriage has become a hot-button topic of our nation especially in this key political year.  But lest we believe that the heated debates about marriage are limited to politics and secular news agencies, consider the discussions happening within the churches. Recent topics have included divorce, cohabitation, sexual behavior in the bedroom, sex-trafficking, prostitution, and should we even throw in the “S word” . . . Submission. Each of these topics has an affect on the marriage and sexual relationship between man and woman.

Many will look at the debates in both arenas as fighting against a particular behavior or group of people. In our churches, we may see ourselves determining how close to the line can we really get without going too far or adjusting our beliefs because of an experience in our own families. Is the biblical model of marriage worth fighting for?  What is the harm in allowing individuals to decide what their marriages look like?  Does it really matter?

My answer to this question is a firm, loud, and resonating battle cry of Yes!  The biblical model of marriage is worth fighting for, not just for the sake of families, but also for the sake of the gospel.

God created marriage for many reasons that benefit us as human beings. Marriage provides relationship, procreation, and intimacy. But, he also created marriage as a way to display the message and essence of the gospel in a way that mankind could get it.   As Mary Kassian stated in a recent address for True Woman :

God created manhood, womanhood, marriage, and sex because He wanted us to have symbols and images and language powerful enough to convey the idea of who He is and what a relationship with Him is all about. Without manhood and womanhood, marriage and sex, we’d have a tough time understanding concepts like desire and love, commitment, fidelity, infidelity, loyalty, jealousy, unity, intimacy, marriage, oneness, covenant, family. We would have a tough time understanding God and the gospel.

Marriage is a picture of the gospel that offers a beautiful, real life, 24/7, with skin-on, portrayal of Christ’s work of redemption, the relationships within the Trinity, and the image of God.

Is there any wonder why the evil one is on a constant attack to distort what God intended marriage to be?  His ways haven’t changed since his first attempt to distort God’s instructions in the garden. (Gen 3)

How exactly does marriage portray all this?  We can trace that picture throughout the whole of scripture. But for today, let’s just consider Ephesians 5:22-33.  These verses, that conclude the fifth chapter of Ephesians, serve as a continuation of the command in verse 1 to “Be imitators of God.”

Vs. 22-24 – “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord . . .” If we are to imitate Christ in submission to our own husbands, the best place to see what that looks like is Philippians 2:5-8 where Christ’s willful submission to the Father is so beautifully described.  The phrase “as to the Lord” in connection with the remaining verses sets marriage as a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. That puts a whole new meaning and purpose to submission. It is not just a good idea or even step one in “Seven steps to a happy marriage.” It is much loftier than that. The biblical model of marriage places wives as a picture that parallels the relationship of Christ to church.

Vs. 25-31 – “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. . . “ The love of a husband is to be a sacrificial love that imitates the sacrificial love of Christ for us.  But, even further, note that Paul goes on to speak about the one flesh relationship. Marriage brings men and women into such an intimate relationship, that it is as if they have become a single person. A husband does not wish to hurt his own flesh and thus does not wish to hurt his wife because she is “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”  (Gen 2:23)  Just as the wife reflects the relationship of Christ to the church, so too does the husband. Christ loves and gave Himself for the church because the church is, in fact, His body.

Vs.  32-33 – “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” It is only through the work of God can one understand how a wife chooses to submit and respect, or how a husband can lead and love with a sacrificial love.

Only as a marriage is built on the foundation of truth and the model given by God, can we then understand that it is not about us but about Him. God has staked His name and reputation on the picture that marriage portrays.

Anything that distorts that picture, whether homosexual marriage, questionable sexual behavior within the marriage, cohabitation, divorce, adultery, a failure of the husband to lead or a wife choosing not to graciously submit, distorts the picture of the gospel displayed to the world.  It does not change the gospel, but it does change the message that we, as believers, are able to declare to a lost world.

President Obama stated that his view has been evolving toward his conclusion to endorse gay marriage. Before we, as believers and the church, critique him for such an evolution, perhaps we should take a check of our own stance and beliefs. Has our view of marriage begun to evolve as well for the sake of not alienating others or to placate the uncomfortableness of our own less than ideal experiences with the resulting consequence of distorting the pure picture of the gospel God created? Are we okay to let a biblical model of marriage become adapted so as not to offend under the guise of being able to reach others for Christ?

As John Piper tweeted just this week, “Muting unacceptable truth as a means of evangelism cannot build the church which is the pillar and bulwark of the truth.”

We are called to declare truth and God’s truth for marriage and the relationships between men and women are no exceptions. This is not a cultural issue that can evolve over time. Yes, the biblical model of marriage is worth fighting for . . . .not just for the family but, almost more importantly, for the sake of the gospel.

Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. Connect with Terri on Facebook or Follow her on Twitter!

 

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Raising Debt-Free Children

Tuesday, February 7, 2012 by Elizabeth Owens

Money.  Everybody talks about it.  Almost everybody thinks they need more of it.  Some people have budgets or spending plans.  Many people are in debt; some are deeply in debt.  Most of us wish our children would learn to manage their money well – perhaps better than we think we manage our own.

How do we teach our children to manage money?  What does the Bible say about money, and how do we communicate these principles to our children?

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Fighting for Eden

Thursday, January 12, 2012 by Melissa Meredith

One of my dearest friends and I had just finished up a delightful afternoon of window-shopping.  I pulled into her driveway, and as it usually happens with close girlfriends, we ended up sitting in my car for another half hour talking.  On this particular afternoon we were discussing a recent box office hit that was all the rage among the young girls in our ministries.  We shared how we both found it disheartening that the Christian community has become seemingly more and more desensitized to the things that they set before their eyes and let filter into their hearts and minds.  We knew of mothers watching The Bachelor with their daughters and dubbing it ‘bonding time’ and professing Christian friends who habitually entertained themselves with movies that contained unfiltered language and unabashedly uncovered what should be kept mysterious—and it broke our hearts.

It quickly became apparent to both of us that we were living in a culture where allurement to sin was everywhere, and in a culture that tries to pull us away from living the set-apart life, we had to be intentional to avoid adopting a careless attitude towards what God has forbidden for our good.

And while we might not be able to change the culture’s addiction to being entertained by sin, we can certainly covenant together in cultivating havens of purity—homes that reflected God’s command to lead pure lives.

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