The Birds, The Bees, and The Plan B

Thursday, May 9, 2013 by Candi Finch

Have you seen the recent car commercial where a couple is in the car with their young son who looks like he is six or seven years old? The father is spinning a rather fantastical story about where babies come from only to have their son try to tell them that he had heard the “real story” from another boy. The father quickly changes the subject by blasting the kids’ song The Wheels on the Bus and encouraging everyone to sing along.

This commercial is pretty funny because many people can recognize how uncomfortable it could be to talk to kids about such subjects or we may even remember when we had “the talk” with our own parents. Unfortunately, because it is so uncomfortable, parents may avoid the topic, and many churches shy away from addressing the topic biblically other than essentially saying, “Don’t do it if you aren’t married!” As a result, many people do not have a God-informed view about sex, dating, marriage, and children. And, young people don’t feel comfortable going to their parents or a person from church for counsel if they find themselves in a situation they never thought they would have to face in their teen or young adult years. Somehow, we have to change this.

It is for this very reason (shame or fear of judgment) that lawmakers, some medical experts, and women’s rights groups are calling for unrestricted access to emergency contraception. A recent blog posted on The New York Times website has even encouraged parents to keep emergency contraceptives in their medicine cabinets “just in case” their teenagers need ready access to it or even parents should send it along with their college-age students when they go off to school.

I fear that emergency contraception may become the “new condom” that fathers slip their sons to keep in their wallets “just in case.” However, an emergency contraceptive is not the same thing as a condom!

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So We’re Living Together…What’s the Big Deal?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 by Bethany Hartsfield

What a precious baby girl! …Wait. She belongs to my old college roommate? No way! …Wait. Did I miss her wedding? As I curiously stalk my old roommate on Facebook I realize I hadn’t missed anything. Not even an engagement. Just the reality of another friend cohabiting with her boyfriend. Once I asked a woman close to her due date how many children she would have. She said this one was number 3, that she and her boyfriend were overjoyed, and only blessing could follow. I congratulated her, smiled, and was saddened all at the same time. Other than the obvious reason that these ladies are not married, why is this so disheartening and what does God have to say about it?

According to USLegal.com, cohabitation, or as we more frequently refer to it, living together, can be
defined as two people living as if they were a married couple (paying bills, sleeping together, chores, parenting, etc). We live in a society where by age 25 about 55% of women have cohabited.[1] Not to mention that one in five of those women becomes pregnant within their first year of cohabitation.[2] How do we as women of the Lord address this issue with non-believers and even those that do follow Christ?

Jesus commands us to love God and love others (Matt. 26:36-40). When we encounter those that are not walking with the Lord we must remember not to judge her or write her off. We cannot hold those that do not follow Christ to the same standards by which we live – it is foolishness to them (1 Cor. 1:18)! As one young woman puts it: “I have a beautiful baby girl now, so it is hard to say I regret my choice”[3] For her, this decision only brought joy and blessing to her life. Our society teaches that the pursuit of happiness is a life-long calling, and it is the god worthy of worship. Our first response to ladies choosing to cohabitate before marriage ought not to be a wince of the face, or a gasp of disapproval, but one of compassion. That means when I encounter a woman cohabiting, my goal is to win her to the Lord, not
push her away! Speak in love, pray for her in love, live your life in front of her, share the Gospel, and then let the Holy Spirit move in her life.

Remember God is the life-giver, and children are a blessing. To disapprove of a woman bringing a child into this world contradicts God’s perspective on children (Psalm 127). So, first and foremost, love this woman because Christ loved you first in your own brokenness (Rm 5:8; 1 Jn 4:19). Pray for her and ask God for the opportunity to build a relationship with her so that she might be won over to the Lord.

But, what about those that are believers and living together before marriage?

Why is it so bad when they know they will get married at some point? Have you ever wondered that?…me too. But what I’ve found is that questioning why cohabiting is wrong ultimately reveals that we’re asking the wrong question and likely coming from a self-centered perspective. Let me ask this: what is your purpose in life? If you are a believer, your purpose it is to do just what was mentioned above in Matthew 26:36-40: to love God and to love others. When you love God with everything that you are, you pursue His ways, and you pursue others to show them His love so that they will come to know Him. You are living for His glory. If I truly love the Lord, I will honor His ways in all that I do, and cohabitation is not in line with His ways.

Jesus spoke in Matthew 19:4-6: “Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate.” From Jesus’ mouth come the directions of when a man and woman are to be completely joined together emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. Living together distorts this original design the Creator set in place! If Jesus’ ways are your ways, then following His design for marriage will bring Him glory!

Some would point out that living together doesn’t always mean a sexual relationship.

But even if I am not sleeping with the man that I am cohabiting with, the danger is riding the line of sin, and a greater danger of bringing dishonor to the Name of the Lord. Dying to ourselves daily is the call on our lives, and that means walking away from temptations that may become so strong that we give in to them.

Bethany, I still don’t see your point, you might be saying. Let me ask another question: What is the ultimate purpose of marriage? Is it first and foremost about your benefit? …Picking up on a theme, yet? There is pleasure and happiness, yes, but God uses the marriage union as a picture of the gospel. Ephesians 5:22-33 might be a familiar passage to you (for many of you it may be exasperatingly familiar!), but Paul discusses the great mystery of the relationship between Christ and the Church and how He chose to paint a beautiful picture of that relationship in the marriage union. Do we dare mess
with this picture all because it will make us happy? Or that we can work on our “issues” before tying the knot? Marriage is a selfless act of a lifelong commitment. If marriage ultimately teaches me to live a selfless life modeling Christ on this earth, then I have no desire to twist God’s intention for marriage simply to satisfy my own wants.

Jesus simply says to His followers in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Does He ever lay out: “Thou shalt not cohabitate”? No. But, if we are to honor His design of marriage as a tangible picture to the world of who Christ is, then we must do whatever we can to preserve that picture! Again, addressing this issue must be done out of love – especially, to our sisters in Christ. It is not an overnight change, but a meaningful process of coming alongside another woman in the love
of Christ to draw her into a right relationship with Him so that she will reflect her Creator as He designed her to.

Bethany has a passion for teaching God’s Word to women and helping them find their
identity, worth and value in Christ above everything else. She is studying Women’s Ministry in the Master of Divinity program at Southwestern Seminary. Bethany loves sports, chocolate, and old movies! Connect with her on Facebook and visit her blog http://rescued663.wordpress.com /

 

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The Prosperity Gospel is a Tofu Burger

Monday, April 15, 2013 by Katie McCoy

I’ve never understood the concept of a tofu burger. It’s not actually meat – it can be made to look like meat, it can even taste like meat. But the whole point of a tofu burger is so you won’t realize that what you’re swallowing is completely different than what you’re actually digesting. No matter how you dress it up and present it, it’s still just an imitation.

We’re surrounded by Christianity-imitating tofu. Best-selling authors, talk-show hosts and internationally broadcasted, stadium-filled conference speakers make up much of America’s religious media. And many of these popular and published personalities are dynamic and inspiring women. Unfortunately, while they may sound like they’re teaching genuine Christianity and look like true followers of Jesus, the main entrée they’re serving is tofu. It’s called the Prosperity Gospel, and before you and I swallow everything we hear in mainstream Christian media, we need to be aware of its ingredients.

A Self-Exalting Recipe

The low view of Jesus and the high view of humanity are common themes among many of TV’s top female preachers.  One woman taught that the Bible calls us, “little Elohims…it says that you are ‘little gods’…your spirit is God.” Here it is another way: “Jesus is not the only begotten Son of God – I am a son of God!”  Like most incorrect teaching, it has a grain of truth – Jesus was the firstborn of the resurrection (Col. 1:18) and we are adopted as God’s children and made co-heirs with Christ (Rom. 8:17). But unlike you and I, who are adopted and born into God’s family (Eph. 1:5, John 1:13), Jesus is the only begotten Son who was born as a human being but always existed in Eternity Past – because Jesus is God (John 1:1-3, 14). And while you and I have been made “partakers of the divine nature,” (2 Pt. 1:3), we’re still God’s creation – redeemed creation but still creation. While we are being made like God, we’re not “little gods.” It might sound subtle on the outside – it might even have some Bible verses attached to it – but its substance is made up of completely different ingredients than the message of Scripture.

As John MacArthur writes in his book, Hard to Believe, “in this new reformation of self-esteem, the first thing required is to pull God down from His supremely elevated place so you can then lift yourself up, replacing God-exalting theology with man-exalting self-esteem psychology.” Combine the stringing together of verses that are out of context with a low estimation of our own sinfulness and a cheapening of Jesus’ deity and you’ve got a recipe for ruin!

The Gluttony of Earthly Ease

Another common ingredient in this “imitation-Christianity” is that it’s always God’s will that we are physically and financially prosperous. If we’re sick, then ultimately we’re to blame. If we’re having troubles, it’s because we weren’t speaking positive things into our lives. For instance, one popular author said that Job brought all of his troubles upon himself because of his negative self-talk. We may lack faith, have some secret sin, need to give more money or, possibly, just not even be saved.

Here’s what one woman told her listeners to do: “If there’s anything in your body that’s not working right…put your hand on the part of your body…whatever it is…and I’m going to speak to it in the name of Jesus…In Jesus name, I command you to be healed from the top of your head to the soles of your feet!” The Gospels give story after story of how Jesus physically healed people and He continues to do medical miracles today. But as the account of the paralytic man in Luke 5 shows, Jesus did physical miracles to demonstrate his spiritual authority to forgive sins (Luke 5:23).  Physical healing is because of God’s grace, not His obligation.

This view also claims that Jesus’ work on the cross overcame “the curse of poverty,” not the curse of our sin and judgment (Gal. 3:1-14). Sounds like a different recipe for success than Paul’s perspective: “But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” (1 Tim. 6:7-10) The belief that God’s will is for us to be healthy and wealthy is little more than the gluttony for earthly ease. It’s tofu masquerading as meat.

 

The Distorted Diet of a Greedy Gospel

By far the most damaging and deceptive aspect of the tofu-talk in popular Christian media is that it peddles a false gospel. No matter how many books she writes, TV shows she produces or conferences she hosts, you’re not likely to hear a woman preach a prosperity gospel along with the biblical meaning of the cross of Christ. Why did Jesus have to die? And what are we saved from? Here’s how one female Prosperity Preacher would answer it: “It’s a wholeness package – it means your relationships are going to be fully functioning…your finances are going to be whole…your body is going to be full of health.” Total. Tofu.

What’s the real reason Jesus came to die? To reconcile sinners to God: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith.” (Rom. 3:23-25) Here it is again: “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Rom 5:1). And just in case it wasn’t clearer, here it is again: “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Cor. 5:21)

While God still heals people of physical problems and promises to provide for our needs, Jesus didn’t die on the cross to make us rich or pain-free. He died to be our substitute for God’s rightful wrath against our sin, the Righteous King for Unrighteous Us (Rom. 5:9, Col. 1:15-20, 1 Peter 3:18). God rescued us in Christ from the consequences of His own justice that we deserved. The false gospel of greed is a distorted diet of half-truths and empty hopes.

 

Feeding on the Truth

No matter how it’s dressed up and presented, the Prosperity Gospel is an imitation to true Christianity. 2 Peter 2:1-3 warns us, “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words…” Not only do you and I need to have discerning ears, we also have to see to it that no one takes us captive by philosophy and empty deceit (Col 2:18). None of us are above veering away from the faith. “But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed,” (Gal. 1:8). Turn off the Christian tofu-talk and dig into the meat of God’s Word.

 

Katie McCoy is the editor of BiblicalWoman.com and is pursuing a PhD in Systematic Theology at Southwestern Seminary. When she’s not reading for her classes (a rare occasion!), she loves hanging out with friends, eating sushi, learning new words and shopping with her mom. Connect with Katie on Facebook or Follow her Twitter!

 

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Lean In or Lean Out?

Thursday, March 28, 2013 by Amanda Walker

Not long ago, few people had heard of Sheryl Sandberg. In 2001, she took a job at a little known company, Google, which soon grew into one of the wealthiest companies in America. By the time she left, she was the vice president of global online sales and operations. In March 2008, she became the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Facebook. In 2010, she gave what is now her infamous speech on TED Talk, which catapulted her into the limelight.[1]

And on March 11, 2013, Sandberg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead hit the shelves. In its first week of publication, the book sold 140,000 copies, and it had to go back for reprint eight different times.[2] Lean In has become a national bestseller in less than a month. Sandberg is fast in becoming a household name, and she desires to teach women how to “lean in” to their jobs in order to find success and ultimate fulfillment.

 

Lean In is based on three core values. The first value is to “sit at the table.” Sandberg encourages women to negotiate for themselves and not be afraid to interject ideas. She notes that women attribute success in their lives to hard work, luck, or the help of others; whereas men are more willing to say they are successful because of their own skills. She believes that women deserve and should be at the top in at least half of the companies in America, but that will not happen until women are willing to “sit at the table” with men and allow their voices to be heard. The second value is to “make your partner a real partner.” In families where both the husband and wife work, she says that women still do twice as much housework and spend three times more energy and time taking care of the children. What is her solution? She encourages young women to select a husband or a partner that is willing to sit at the kitchen table, stay at home, and change as many diapers as his wife/partner. She envisions a world where men are encouraged and not belittled for being stay-at-home fathers. The last value is for women “not to leave before you leave.” In her book, Sandberg notes when women decide they want to have children, they often turn down promotions and stop being aggressive in their professional lives. She encourages women to stay engaged and not lean back. She also encourages women to keep pushing up in their careers until they have children, and then they can decide what they want to do with their life.[3]

 

There has also been some backlash to Sandberg’s book in the midst of its success. Sandberg is accused of being an elitist billionaire, who can hire a nanny, a housekeeper, a chef, and a personal assistant to help her run her life. For the average woman whose husband makes a middle class income, nannies and personal chefs are not a reality. With the rising costs of childcare, some women are choosing to “lean out” and return back to the home. I found it fascinating that one career-oriented woman made the statement in a CBS interview that the feminist movement provided women with a choice, the choice to stay home.[4] Lisa Miller, author for the New York Magazine, has a new article out entitled “The Retro Wife.” In this article she follows a family where the wife is a self-proclaimed feminist but has chosen to turn in her stilettos for an apron in order raise their two young children. What is her reasoning? She believes that women are better suited for the task of mothering, and she did not want nor could they afford to put their children in an upscale daycare facility.[5] Fifty years removed from Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique, women can have a full-time job, a husband, and a family, yet some are realizing they are still not happy trying to have it all.

So with all this talk about “leaning in” and “leaning out,” what is the Christian woman to think?

Every woman struggles with finding and maintaining a balanced life. I have a wonderful husband, two little girls (23 months and 9 months), and I am in the final stages of my doctorate work. I understand the struggle of wanting to complete a task, whether it is a dissertation or a career, and raise a family. But, in all my reading and research of this new “feminist manifesto,” I was struck with one reality. When a woman is blessed with a child, someone must care for, feed, nurture, and raise the child to become a responsible person in society.  As followers of Christ, we are given the responsibility to raise our children to know and serve the Lord (Deut 6:4-9).  In a word, someone must still fill the role of mother. Who is better equipped to serve, nurture, and train our children than us?

Titus 2:3-5 commands older women to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” We live in a society where feminism is no longer a movement but a norm. Women still feel the pressure to work outside the home for a more fulfilling life, yet women are increasingly stressed, pulled in different directions, and live under a mountain of guilt.

Could it be that, as a society, we have removed ourselves from God’s perfect plan? God knows how difficult it is to raise a family and have a successful career. His desire is to protect us and our children from the stress that life brings. He is the One who fashioned us in His perfect image, and His desire is that we, as women, would trust Him to care for our needs and for our family’s needs. I realize that there are unusual circumstances that cause some women to work either part-time or full-time, and I empathize with those women. But, there are increasingly more women who choose to forgo the needs of their children in order to live in a nicer home, drive a nicer vehicle, or go on nicer vacations. To that woman, may I lovingly ask you, is it worth it? Is “leaning in” to your career more important than nurturing that precious child God has given you? Is “leaning in” to your career going to help you give your child an understanding of God’s word and His plan for her life? More importantly, is “leaning in” going to cause God’s word to be reviled (literal meaning is blasphemed) in your life?  Every child needs a mother, and God has designed you to be the mother in your child’s life.

I am often asked what I plan to do after I graduate. Many wait for me say that I will finally do some incredible thing that only a doctorate degree will allow. But, to be honest with you, I plan to continue doing what I have the privilege of doing every day, serving alongside my husband and being “mommy” to my beautiful little girls. For me, “leaning in” is not a chance to gain more freedom and success, and “leaning out” is not a choice I get to make. My desire is to lean in to Christ and live for His glory.

 

Amanda Walker is in the Doctorate of Educational Ministries program at Southwestern. Her greatest joy is serving alongside her husband who is the University Minister at Cook Baptist Church in Ruston, Louisiana, and being the mother of two beautiful daughters. In her “free” time she enjoys a good chat over a cup of coffee. Connect with Amanda on Facebook!

 

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My Downton Disposition: How TV is Teaching Us

Tuesday, March 19, 2013 by Bethany Hartsfield

If you are like me and thousands of women across the nation (and Europe too!), the hit drama Downton Abbey consumed your Sunday nights for the first few months of this year.  After getting my Downton fix, I often found myself talking to myself in a British accent, longing for someone to join in the sophisticated conversation (preferably Matthew Crawley).  When Downton drama occurred it was as if it had affected my own life!  I found myself completely depressed the day after one particular episode as if it really had a direct impact on my world. Funny how my mood is affected by what I watch.

Maybe you love another TV show like The Big Bang Theory, and struggle with letting crude jokes creep into your conversation with friends.  Maybe you love Parenthood and start talking with your spouse about how you should work while he stays home with the kids.  Or you watch Everybody Loves Raymond and think your husband or boyfriend is flat-out lazy…What about all that you do?  Or you watch Glee and think, maybe this  whole homosexual debate is a myth, that homosexuality isn’t sin and people are just born that way. Notice a pattern?

What we watch has a major impact on our attitudes whether we like to admit it or not.

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Lifetime and Your “Preacher’s Daughter”

Thursday, March 14, 2013 by Katie McCoy

“I think preacher’s kids are a lot more wild than regular kids.  I’ve met preachers kids that are worse than some of the kids who don’t even go to church,” says Kolby (16), one of the three teenage girls featured in Lifetime Network’s latest project, Preacher’s Daughter.* The show’s March 12^th debut introduced viewers to “what happens at home after the sermon,” giving an up-close look at three pastor’s families, particularly the relationship between the girls and their fathers. While the innocent Kolby navigates the new world of dating, Taylor (17) pushes the envelope of her independence with comments like her desire to be a porn star because of all the attention she would get. Meanwhile, there’s the tenderhearted Olivia (18), a teen mom whose wild side caught up with her last summer.

Despite the TV trend of absent or abdicating dads, Preacher’s Daughter shows three fathers who are involved, protective, and loving toward their daughters. Kolby’s father, lovingly hears out her request for greater independence and ensures his daughter that he’ll protect her from any young man who would try to cross the line. “It doesn’t matter how fast he can run, I can still catch him.” (Gotta love it!) Taylor’s dad admits that he’s made a lot of mistakes with his other children, something he wants to remedy for his spirited 17-year-old without pushing her even further away (What parent can’t relate?) And after his daughter was pregnant, Olivia’s father influenced her to keep her baby and gave her a promise ring, symbolizing her forgiveness and restoration. When Olivia further confessed to lying about some of her wrong choices, he and his wife responded with tears of heartbreak rather than shouts of anger. After Episode 1, “Two Thumbs Up” to Lifetime for finding pastors’ families who seem legit.

But despite the character of their respective fathers, their daughters’ rebellion (or its consequences) seems to be the focus of the show. As Preacher’s Daughter highlights, it isn’t easy being a pastor’s daughter. While she won’t have a reality TV crew following her around, chances are the pastor’s daughter in your church can relate to some of the frustrations that the show reveals. As a former Preacher’s Daughter (and since they didn’t call me to be on the show!), here’s how you can invest in and encourage the Preacher’s Daughter in your church.

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Why Are Women Still Unhappy?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013 by Candi Finch

This year marks the 50^th anniversary of the 1963 publication of Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique, a book that served as the catalyst for the second wave of feminism in America. I still remember picking up this book in college after one of my professors challenged the women in the class to consider the doors that feminism had opened for women, especially in higher education. I really did not know a lot about feminism at that point in college other than the sense that I got that many Christians considered feminism contrary to their faith. So, I started investigating the movement of secular feminism on my own and began by reading Friedan’s book. I wanted to know why this book had served as a rallying cry for so many women in my mother’s generation.

Friedan was a college-educated woman in the Leave it to Beaver era who struggled to find happiness as a suburban housewife. In trying to voice the discontent she felt and noticed in other women in her stage of life, Friedan said, “Each suburban wife struggled with it alone…She was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question—‘Is this all?’”[1] Her admission resonated with many women, and women began to rise up when Friedan challenged, “We can no longer ignore that voice within women that says: ‘I want something more than my husband and my children and my home.’”[2]

In the ensuing 50 years, the culture changed dramatically both in positive and negative ways. Carolyn McCulley in her book Radical Womanhood has rightly noted that “Feminism is a given. We breathe it, we think it, watch it, read it. Whenever a concept so thoroughly permeates a culture, it’s hard to step back and notice it at work. Feminism has profoundly altered our culture’s concept of what it means to be a woman. We need to understand how this movement came about and what its goals have been because these are now our culture’s assumptions. We also need to acknowledge that there has been some good that has come out of it. There were some serious inequalities that were changed by the feminist movement. I’m grateful for the short-term gains, but the long-term consequences are profound and need to be examined in light of feminism’s worldview.”[3]

So, how exactly has the world changed since the second wave of feminism marched onto the cultural landscape and what are some of the short-term gains and long term consequences that McCulley mentions? [4]

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