Does the Fight for Marriage Really Matter?

Thursday, May 17, 2012 by Terri Stovall

In recent months, marriage has taken center stage both on the national level and in discussions among believers.

Last week, North Carolina voters approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages and joined 30 other states that have already done the same. North Carolina went so far as to ban civil unions recognizing marriage as the only legal domestic partnership.

After this historic vote, President Barack Obama declared his support for homosexual marriages citing his opinion had evolved through the years, which, in turn, set off a rapid-fire response of both praise and condemnation from all sides.

We can all agree that marriage has become a hot-button topic of our nation especially in this key political year.  But lest we believe that the heated debates about marriage are limited to politics and secular news agencies, consider the discussions happening within the churches. Recent topics have included divorce, cohabitation, sexual behavior in the bedroom, sex-trafficking, prostitution, and should we even throw in the “S word” . . . Submission. Each of these topics has an affect on the marriage and sexual relationship between man and woman.

Many will look at the debates in both arenas as fighting against a particular behavior or group of people. In our churches, we may see ourselves determining how close to the line can we really get without going too far or adjusting our beliefs because of an experience in our own families. Is the biblical model of marriage worth fighting for?  What is the harm in allowing individuals to decide what their marriages look like?  Does it really matter?

My answer to this question is a firm, loud, and resonating battle cry of Yes!  The biblical model of marriage is worth fighting for, not just for the sake of families, but also for the sake of the gospel.

God created marriage for many reasons that benefit us as human beings. Marriage provides relationship, procreation, and intimacy. But, he also created marriage as a way to display the message and essence of the gospel in a way that mankind could get it.   As Mary Kassian stated in a recent address for True Woman :

God created manhood, womanhood, marriage, and sex because He wanted us to have symbols and images and language powerful enough to convey the idea of who He is and what a relationship with Him is all about. Without manhood and womanhood, marriage and sex, we’d have a tough time understanding concepts like desire and love, commitment, fidelity, infidelity, loyalty, jealousy, unity, intimacy, marriage, oneness, covenant, family. We would have a tough time understanding God and the gospel.

Marriage is a picture of the gospel that offers a beautiful, real life, 24/7, with skin-on, portrayal of Christ’s work of redemption, the relationships within the Trinity, and the image of God.

Is there any wonder why the evil one is on a constant attack to distort what God intended marriage to be?  His ways haven’t changed since his first attempt to distort God’s instructions in the garden. (Gen 3)

How exactly does marriage portray all this?  We can trace that picture throughout the whole of scripture. But for today, let’s just consider Ephesians 5:22-33.  These verses, that conclude the fifth chapter of Ephesians, serve as a continuation of the command in verse 1 to “Be imitators of God.”

Vs. 22-24 – “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord . . .” If we are to imitate Christ in submission to our own husbands, the best place to see what that looks like is Philippians 2:5-8 where Christ’s willful submission to the Father is so beautifully described.  The phrase “as to the Lord” in connection with the remaining verses sets marriage as a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. That puts a whole new meaning and purpose to submission. It is not just a good idea or even step one in “Seven steps to a happy marriage.” It is much loftier than that. The biblical model of marriage places wives as a picture that parallels the relationship of Christ to church.

Vs. 25-31 – “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. . . “ The love of a husband is to be a sacrificial love that imitates the sacrificial love of Christ for us.  But, even further, note that Paul goes on to speak about the one flesh relationship. Marriage brings men and women into such an intimate relationship, that it is as if they have become a single person. A husband does not wish to hurt his own flesh and thus does not wish to hurt his wife because she is “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”  (Gen 2:23)  Just as the wife reflects the relationship of Christ to the church, so too does the husband. Christ loves and gave Himself for the church because the church is, in fact, His body.

Vs.  32-33 – “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” It is only through the work of God can one understand how a wife chooses to submit and respect, or how a husband can lead and love with a sacrificial love.

Only as a marriage is built on the foundation of truth and the model given by God, can we then understand that it is not about us but about Him. God has staked His name and reputation on the picture that marriage portrays.

Anything that distorts that picture, whether homosexual marriage, questionable sexual behavior within the marriage, cohabitation, divorce, adultery, a failure of the husband to lead or a wife choosing not to graciously submit, distorts the picture of the gospel displayed to the world.  It does not change the gospel, but it does change the message that we, as believers, are able to declare to a lost world.

President Obama stated that his view has been evolving toward his conclusion to endorse gay marriage. Before we, as believers and the church, critique him for such an evolution, perhaps we should take a check of our own stance and beliefs. Has our view of marriage begun to evolve as well for the sake of not alienating others or to placate the uncomfortableness of our own less than ideal experiences with the resulting consequence of distorting the pure picture of the gospel God created? Are we okay to let a biblical model of marriage become adapted so as not to offend under the guise of being able to reach others for Christ?

As John Piper tweeted just this week, “Muting unacceptable truth as a means of evangelism cannot build the church which is the pillar and bulwark of the truth.”

We are called to declare truth and God’s truth for marriage and the relationships between men and women are no exceptions. This is not a cultural issue that can evolve over time. Yes, the biblical model of marriage is worth fighting for . . . .not just for the family but, almost more importantly, for the sake of the gospel.

Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. Connect with Terri on Facebook or Follow her on Twitter!

 

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Set-Apart in a “Sex is Power” World

Thursday, April 19, 2012 by Katie McCoy

At the end of the 30-second commercial I wasn’t sure whether I should be laughing or blushing! As the on-screen ladies witnessed the dramatic duels of flying samurais and jousting knights, I heard: It’s the cradle of life. It’s the center of civilization. Men have fought for it, even died for it. One might say it’s the most powerful thing on earth…Hail to the V! (Yep…that “V”) Maybe the theatrical marketing campaign of this popular feminine product wanted to reinvent their image. Perhaps they wanted their female consumers to feel pride in their product instead of the typical embarrassment of praying they don’t see anyone they know in the store and avoiding eye contact in the check-out line. Whatever the commercial intended to convey about the actual item, its message was clear: female sexuality is power.

The slogan isn’t alone in the recent slate of girl-power mantras. Last summer, über-celebrity Beyonce Knowles debuted the female-empowered anthem, “Girls Who Run the World.” The international hit single sent women across the globe chanting, “Who runs the world? Girls!” while she hypnotically droned, “My persuasion can build a nation, Endless power, the love we can devour, You’ll do anything for me.” For Beyonce, female sexuality is power.

While such eyebrow-raising media may seem to be just latest attempts in pushing the cultural envelope and challenging social norms, what they promote is not just a product, but a philosophy; not just a lyric, but a lifestyle. And, more often than not, we’re unaware of just how inundated with its messages we have become.

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Has Eve Resigned The Church?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 by Heather Brinker

“My soul felt battered with the certainty that God would have loved me more if I’d been a man. He would have trusted me more, valued me more.”[1]

Blocked. Stonewalled. Stalled. This is how Jim Henderson bluntly describes the plight of women in churches today. “Women should have as much influence as they’re capable of exercising in the church.”[2] However, he points out, there is one slight problem…

…The church says no.

What would provoke a woman to think that God would have loved her more if she had been a man?

Heart-wrenching statements such as this are more common than you might think. Personally, I never realized the silent cry of many women before I was introduced to a book entitled The Resignation of Eve: What if Adam’s Rib is No Longer Willing to Be the Church’s Backbone? It was written by a sharp provocateur named Jim Henderson. Jim is a popular author, has his own production company, and has even been featured in the Wall Street Journal and USA Today.

Something caught my attention in his second chapter. He simply declared, “I had to write this book.” Compelled to address the church’s response to women’s leadership, Jim compiled powerful stories that intricately depict stories of women who do not feel like the church allows them to use their abilities to the fullest, that “their gifts and leadership skills are not valued there.”[3]

Blocked? Stonewalled? Stalled? Can this truly be what the church intends?  Why not allow a woman to influence and exercise the leadership skills that God gave her in the same way as men?

A prime place to start is 1 Timothy 2:11-14. This passage explicitly states that a woman is not to teach or exercise authority over a man in the church. Some may argue, like Jim, that this command was limited to a specific situation and/or cultural context. For instance, some suggest that women were not educated enough to teach or maybe the Jews would have been offended by their teaching; therefore, this command no longer applies to contemporary churches.[4]

However, upon further study, the argument for cultural context loses its rationale.

If you continue reading the passage, Paul references Adam and Eve in verses 13 and 14. What significance is this, you might ask? By citing Adam and Eve, Paul establishes the prohibitions in creation, not a certain situation or cultural context. Therefore, our unique roles as male and female were intricately designed by our sovereign God, perfectly crafted since the beginning of time.

After grappling with this issue, you may begin to wonder, “Does the Bible characterize women as second-class? Are we less important than men in God’s eyes?” My response is, with as much fervor as I can muster, ABSOLUTELY NOT!

There is a glorious reminder for us in Galatians 3. We as believers are justified by faith in Christ, and we – both male and female – are sons of God. Not only that, Paul adds that believers, are Abraham’s seed and heirs of the wonderful promises made to him.[5] So, no matter what your gender, we have an equal status of the Father’s rightful heir! Praise God! Not only are we joint heirs with Christ, but we can celebrate the unique roles God has given to us as women. According to 1 Peter 4:10, we are to use our spiritual gifts to minister to the body of Christ, for they are indispensable to the life and growth of the church.

What is your calling? How can you use your gifts?

Have you considered Titus 2:3–5? Paul commissions older women to instruct younger women in godliness, and he encourages the wonderful role of a wife and mother. What about ministering in prisons, sharing the gospel, fighting against abortion, aiding the poor, supporting missionaries, extending hospitality, ministering to the sick and elderly?[6] We’ve got our work cut out for us!

It is incredibly rewarding to know that we are not a set of identical and interchangeable parts to be switched in and out with men! We can celebrate our role as women in the church, not by usurping men’s authority but by complementing it, fulfilling our unique purposes and callings within the confines of Scripture.

Elisabeth Elliot, renowned author and missionary, composed one of my favorite quotes regarding this topic. She wrote, “I would be the last to deny that women are given gifts that they are meant to exercise. But we must not be greedy in insisting on having all of them, in usurping the place of men. We are women, and my plea is Let me be a woman, holy through and through, asking for nothing but what God wants to give me, receiving with both hands and with all my heart whatever it is.”[7]

Let that be our prayer: that we as women would celebrate our position in Christ and the church, use our gifts for God’s glory within the boundaries of Scripture, and ask for nothing but what God wants to give. Now is not the time for Eve to resign from the church. Rather, may we women, as daughters of Eve, celebrate our position in Christ and His Bride.

 

Heather Brinker is pursuing a Master of Arts in Theology at Southwestern Seminary. She is engaged to her best friend, Jason, and will be tying the knot on May 19th, 2012. Heather loves anything animal print, trying new recipes, and watching old musicals. Follow Heather on Twitter!

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Why I Broke Up With “The Bachelor”

Thursday, March 15, 2012 by Katie McCoy

Take a stroll through any grocery store checkout lane and you’ll see an array of scintillating headlines testifying to that American female obsession popularly known as The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. While the names and faces change with each season, our vicarious interest is unfailingly piqued by the drama, the dates, the drama, the romance, the drama and the catfights (and did I mention the drama?).  Truth be told, I’ve been more than a little engrossed in The Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons past. Creative justifications for the reality TV addiction included “research” and “sociological observation” (Feel free to roll your eyes!). In fact, the series is ever popular among Christian women whether single, married, a teen or a forty-something.

This season, however, tempted though I was to see last year’s Ben Flajnik find “true love” in a matter of weeks, I had to pass. And following the stories of tears and tell-all’s from Monday’s season finale and hearing Barbara Walters call the show “a degradation to women,” I was reminded why. Aside from the painfully unrealistic view of love and the portrayal of marriage as having all the seriousness of a Disney princess wedding, TV shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorette have done more harm than good in my pursuit of Christ. The series might as well have come with a disclaimer like: “Sustained consumption of this broadcast is likely to cause distance from reality, distorted perspective of romance, discontent with your singleness, disillusion with God’s will, and disenchantment with your life in general.” It was time for a break up!

Shows like Bachelor/Bachelorette aren’t alone. Today’s TV line-up is a smorgasbord of guilty pleasures and escapes: Jersey Shore, Desperate Housewives, Smash, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, anything to do with vampires…take your pick! But for many of us, it’s those little, guilty pleasures that, over time, can turn our hearts away from our soul’s Highest and Holy Pleasure without even realizing it.  It is not my point or my place to judge anyone who watches these shows.

But I hope that the next time you reach for the remote you will take a moment to ask yourself the same question I started asking myself:  “Is it worth it?”

- Is it worth the discontentment and disrespect you might feel toward your less-than-wildly-romantic-but-godly-husband, whose entrance at the end of the day doesn’t come with a sweeping soundtrack playing in the background? (Eph. 5:22-33)

- Is it worth the numbing complacency that comes from hearing vulgar speech and peering into the hook-up culture of casual sex? (1 Thess. 4:3-8)

- Is it worth the distorted view of godliness that makes the illicit seem exciting and holiness seem…well…kinda boring? (1 Pet. 1:13-16, Ps. 16:11)

- Is it worth the hindrance it can be to following Christ? Sure, it may be on network television, and on prime time at that, but does it keep you from presenting yourself to God as an instrument of righteousness? (Rom. 6:13)

- Is it worth the subtle temptation to approve and even glorify (hold up/consider valuable) choices or views that offend God and destroy us, at the expense of glorifying Christ? (Dt. 6:5, Lk 9:23, 1 Pet. 3:15) If it causes Jesus to be less attractive to you and if it dulls your drive to follow Him, it’s probably time to turn it off. For me, it’s The Bachelor/Bachelorette. For you, it’s probably that one show that keeps coming to mind!

We want to hear from you! What are your criteria for deciding whether or not it’s “worth it”? What’s your strategy for evaluating what you watch?

(For more on this thought-provoking topic, check out Melissa Meredith’s convicting article, “Fighting for Eden.”)

Katie McCoy is pursuing a Doctorate in Systematic Theology at Southwestern Seminary. When she’s not studying for her classes (a rare occasion!), she loves hanging out with friends, eating sushi, learning new words and is currently a political news junkie. Connect with Katie on Facebook or Follow her Twitter!

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The Contraception Mandate and A Woman’s Voice

Thursday, March 1, 2012 by Terri Stovall

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…

~ Amendment 1 to The Constitution of the United States

On February 16, a congressional hearing was held in which Southwestern Seminary professor Craig Mitchell testified regarding the Obama administration’s mandate that all health insurance plans must fully cover contraceptives, even those that operate as an abortifacient. The hearing launched a firestorm of criticism by those supporting this mandate. From a cry for more women to speak up to accusations of downplaying women’s health in the name of religion, battle lines seem to be drawn.

Since then, the House Judiciary Committee appeared to attempt to placate the criticism of women not being heard by holding a second hearing on February 28. [i] Planned Parenthood continues to tout this as purely a women’s health issue since “every woman uses birth control.”[ii] Even NBC’s Saturday Night Live has jumped on the bandwagon by dedicating a “Really?!?”sketch to the birth control debate , a segment filled with satire on the conservative position.

Yet, American evangelicals continue to hold that the birth control mandate and subsequent exception made is nothing more than a trigger point that violates one’s First Amendment right of religious freedom.

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Debunking “The Purity Myth”

Thursday, February 16, 2012 by Katie McCoy

“There is a moral panic in America over young women’s sexuality and it’s been breathing new life into a very old idea,” claims Jessica Valenti, founder of Feministing.com and author of The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women. Dubbed the “poster-girl for third-wave feminism,” Valenti claims that today’s abstinence-only movement tells a woman that her value is based solely on what she does (or doesn’t do) with her sexuality – to the point of ignoring her character, intelligence, and integrity. As a result, the so-called “purity-pushers” are actually harming a generation of young women, making them even more sexualized due to the emphasis on virginity/abstinence as “the measure of a woman’s character.”

While Valenti’s views may seem like the kind of rhetoric you’d hear in hyper-political arenas, the message may be coming to a high school or college campus near you. The Purity Myth was recently adapted to a 45-minute documentary by the Media Education Foundation, a company that “produces and distributes documentary films and other educational resources to inspire critical thinking about the social, political, and cultural impact of American mass media,” and specifically targeted to students in the classroom. The Purity Myth is being marketed to educational institutions, both secular and religious, with screenings and discussions about “the virginity movement’s war against women” taking place nationwide.

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The Other Face of Abortion

Thursday, January 19, 2012 by Katie McCoy

She has a heartbeat. She has a face. She is being knit together in her mother’s womb. Can you see her?

Few social issues are as polarizing in today’s culture as abortion. Either side you fall on the subject, your conviction is probably set and your feelings are probably strong. Both sides have their slogans, signs, bumper stickers and t-shirts, all expressing their unyielding opinions. Despite an encouraging recent decrease in overall abortions, pro-life believers – for all their passion for the rights of the unborn – still seem to be fighting an uphill battle. While we might think that we need more campaigning and rallying, more billboards picturing an unborn child and evidence that the fetus is truly a baby, these efforts don’t seem to be as effective as we would hope.

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