I May Not Be There…But Please Keep Honoring Moms

Friday, May 10, 2013 by Terri Stovall

In recent weeks, a blog entitled An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day} has been circulating around Facebook. I resonated with the post and especially liked “The Wide Spectrum of Mothering” included. In fact, I was already planning what Facebook status and Tweet I would write on Saturday, just to make a point. But then, I started seeing Pastors post that they would not be recognizing mothers in Sunday’s services because of the pain it would cause some women.

I have written about my journey with infertility and the pain of Mother’s Day. Over the past seven months, disease, multiple surgeries, and treatments, have brought that struggle even more to the forefront. And, I must admit, that of all the Mother’s Days I have gone through, this year’s is by far the hardest. Yet, even so, this “Non-Mom” encourages – implores, rather – pastors and churches to Keep honoring mothers.

It is true that there are some in your congregation who are hurting. There are some who long for children and, unlike those in Scripture, God has not chosen to fill their arms with a child. For others, like myself, there is the realization that biological children just will never be. And still others have lost children, and long earnestly to hold them, smell them, and hear them one last time.  All who struggle with Mother’s Day are dealing with some type of loss and grief.

Nevertheless, in the midst of the pain, Motherhood remains a high calling of God and one that should be honored, encouraged, and celebrated. We should not shirk away from celebrating and declaring other truths of Scripture simply because it makes someone uncomfortable. . .

Motherhood is no exception.

In a day where a biblical model of marriage is challenged, naturally leading to the debate of whether it is really better for a child to have a mom and a dad rather than two dads, or two moms, now, more than ever, the church must celebrate the unique and high calling of mom. Scripture is replete with “mom” analogies, affirmations, and instructions. (Ex 20:12, Lev 19:3; Deut 6:16; Is 49:15: 66:13; Ps 113:9; Prov 6:20; 20:20; 23:22-25; Eph 6:1-3) Even Paul likens the way he mentors to a nurturing mother (1Thess 2:7) and affirms the role that a mother and grandmother had in the life of Timothy (2 Tim 1:5).

Is there a portion of your congregation that will feel the pain of Mother’s Day? Yes! Some will be sitting in your pews this Sunday with silent tears on their cheeks. Others, like myself, will not be there, and you must be okay with that for today . . . we will be back next week.  In all cases, God will be with them.

Keep Honoring Motherhood

• Honor and encourage those who are biological, adoptive, or foster mothers recognizing the importance they have in rearing the next generation.

• Honor and encourage those who are spiritual mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or mother figures in the lives of younger women, for they are living out the Titus 2 mandate.

• Honor and encourage those who will soon become mothers for the first time, committing to walk with them through the tremendous responsibility that looms before them.

• Honor and encourage those who have lost a child, grieving with them and always remembering.

• Understand and encourage those who are hurting, longing to feel fully accepted as a woman, but resting in the assurance that God’s grace is most surely felt in the midst of grief.

But don’t let those of us who still grieve keep you from honoring the high calling of motherhood. Celebrate it!

This past weekend I was able to honor my own mother and this upcoming Sunday, I will honor my mother-in-love. I am blessed to be the aunt of five and love being a “mom” to so many sharp gals at Southwestern. In recent weeks I have had various students honor me as a spiritual mother. Just yesterday another student brought her two-year-old by the office who gave me a big hug and showed me the stickers she got for going in the “big girl potty.” This time of the semester, my office is abuzz with young women stopping by to commiserate or celebrate the outcome of final exams. My life is full of mothering opportunities. And yet, my heart still feels the loss. I still don’t go to church on Mother’s Day. I’m just not there yet, but God continues to do a work in me.

So, this “Non-Mom” is going a little against the current tide, standing tall, and encouraging pastors and churches to go ahead and celebrate mothers. You don’t have to downplay the importance of mothers for our sakes. It is a high calling, one that is ordained by God, and one that should always be honored.

 

Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. Connect with Terri on Facebook or Follow her on Twitter!

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I May Not Be There…But Please Keep Honoring Moms

Friday, May 10, 2013 by Terri Stovall

In recent weeks, a blog entitled An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day} has been circulating around Facebook. I resonated with the post and especially liked “The Wide Spectrum of Mothering” included. In fact, I was already planning what Facebook status and Tweet I would write on Saturday, just to make a point. But then, I started seeing Pastors post that they would not be recognizing mothers in Sunday’s services because of the pain it would cause some women.

I have written about my journey with infertility and the pain of Mother’s Day. Over the past seven months, disease, multiple surgeries, and treatments, have brought that struggle even more to the forefront. And, I must admit, that of all the Mother’s Days I have gone through, this year’s is by far the hardest. Yet, even so, this “Non-Mom” encourages – implores, rather – pastors and churches to Keep honoring mothers.

It is true that there are some in your congregation who are hurting. There are some who long for children and, unlike those in Scripture, God has not chosen to fill their arms with a child. For others, like myself, there is the realization that biological children just will never be. And still others have lost children, and long earnestly to hold them, smell them, and hear them one last time.  All who struggle with Mother’s Day are dealing with some type of loss and grief.

Nevertheless, in the midst of the pain, Motherhood remains a high calling of God and one that should be honored, encouraged, and celebrated. We should not shirk away from celebrating and declaring other truths of Scripture simply because it makes someone uncomfortable. . .

Motherhood is no exception.

In a day where a biblical model of marriage is challenged, naturally leading to the debate of whether it is really better for a child to have a mom and a dad rather than two dads, or two moms, now, more than ever, the church must celebrate the unique and high calling of mom. Scripture is replete with “mom” analogies, affirmations, and instructions. (Ex 20:12, Lev 19:3; Deut 6:16; Is 49:15: 66:13; Ps 113:9; Prov 6:20; 20:20; 23:22-25; Eph 6:1-3) Even Paul likens the way he mentors to a nurturing mother (1Thess 2:7) and affirms the role that a mother and grandmother had in the life of Timothy (2 Tim 1:5).

Is there a portion of your congregation that will feel the pain of Mother’s Day? Yes! Some will be sitting in your pews this Sunday with silent tears on their cheeks. Others, like myself, will not be there, and you must be okay with that for today . . . we will be back next week.  In all cases, God will be with them.

Keep Honoring Motherhood

• Honor and encourage those who are biological, adoptive, or foster mothers recognizing the importance they have in rearing the next generation.

• Honor and encourage those who are spiritual mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or mother figures in the lives of younger women, for they are living out the Titus 2 mandate.

• Honor and encourage those who will soon become mothers for the first time, committing to walk with them through the tremendous responsibility that looms before them.

• Honor and encourage those who have lost a child, grieving with them and always remembering.

• Understand and encourage those who are hurting, longing to feel fully accepted as a woman, but resting in the assurance that God’s grace is most surely felt in the midst of grief.

But don’t let those of us who still grieve keep you from honoring the high calling of motherhood. Celebrate it!

This past weekend I was able to honor my own mother and this upcoming Sunday, I will honor my mother-in-love. I am blessed to be the aunt of five and love being a “mom” to so many sharp gals at Southwestern. In recent weeks I have had various students honor me as a spiritual mother. Just yesterday another student brought her two-year-old by the office who gave me a big hug and showed me the stickers she got for going in the “big girl potty.” This time of the semester, my office is abuzz with young women stopping by to commiserate or celebrate the outcome of final exams. My life is full of mothering opportunities. And yet, my heart still feels the loss. I still don’t go to church on Mother’s Day. I’m just not there yet, but God continues to do a work in me.

So, this “Non-Mom” is going a little against the current tide, standing tall, and encouraging pastors and churches to go ahead and celebrate mothers. You don’t have to downplay the importance of mothers for our sakes. It is a high calling, one that is ordained by God, and one that should always be honored.

 

Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. Connect with Terri on Facebook or Follow her on Twitter!

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Lean In or Lean Out?

Thursday, March 28, 2013 by Amanda Walker

Not long ago, few people had heard of Sheryl Sandberg. In 2001, she took a job at a little known company, Google, which soon grew into one of the wealthiest companies in America. By the time she left, she was the vice president of global online sales and operations. In March 2008, she became the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Facebook. In 2010, she gave what is now her infamous speech on TED Talk, which catapulted her into the limelight.[1]

And on March 11, 2013, Sandberg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead hit the shelves. In its first week of publication, the book sold 140,000 copies, and it had to go back for reprint eight different times.[2] Lean In has become a national bestseller in less than a month. Sandberg is fast in becoming a household name, and she desires to teach women how to “lean in” to their jobs in order to find success and ultimate fulfillment.

 

Lean In is based on three core values. The first value is to “sit at the table.” Sandberg encourages women to negotiate for themselves and not be afraid to interject ideas. She notes that women attribute success in their lives to hard work, luck, or the help of others; whereas men are more willing to say they are successful because of their own skills. She believes that women deserve and should be at the top in at least half of the companies in America, but that will not happen until women are willing to “sit at the table” with men and allow their voices to be heard. The second value is to “make your partner a real partner.” In families where both the husband and wife work, she says that women still do twice as much housework and spend three times more energy and time taking care of the children. What is her solution? She encourages young women to select a husband or a partner that is willing to sit at the kitchen table, stay at home, and change as many diapers as his wife/partner. She envisions a world where men are encouraged and not belittled for being stay-at-home fathers. The last value is for women “not to leave before you leave.” In her book, Sandberg notes when women decide they want to have children, they often turn down promotions and stop being aggressive in their professional lives. She encourages women to stay engaged and not lean back. She also encourages women to keep pushing up in their careers until they have children, and then they can decide what they want to do with their life.[3]

 

There has also been some backlash to Sandberg’s book in the midst of its success. Sandberg is accused of being an elitist billionaire, who can hire a nanny, a housekeeper, a chef, and a personal assistant to help her run her life. For the average woman whose husband makes a middle class income, nannies and personal chefs are not a reality. With the rising costs of childcare, some women are choosing to “lean out” and return back to the home. I found it fascinating that one career-oriented woman made the statement in a CBS interview that the feminist movement provided women with a choice, the choice to stay home.[4] Lisa Miller, author for the New York Magazine, has a new article out entitled “The Retro Wife.” In this article she follows a family where the wife is a self-proclaimed feminist but has chosen to turn in her stilettos for an apron in order raise their two young children. What is her reasoning? She believes that women are better suited for the task of mothering, and she did not want nor could they afford to put their children in an upscale daycare facility.[5] Fifty years removed from Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique, women can have a full-time job, a husband, and a family, yet some are realizing they are still not happy trying to have it all.

So with all this talk about “leaning in” and “leaning out,” what is the Christian woman to think?

Every woman struggles with finding and maintaining a balanced life. I have a wonderful husband, two little girls (23 months and 9 months), and I am in the final stages of my doctorate work. I understand the struggle of wanting to complete a task, whether it is a dissertation or a career, and raise a family. But, in all my reading and research of this new “feminist manifesto,” I was struck with one reality. When a woman is blessed with a child, someone must care for, feed, nurture, and raise the child to become a responsible person in society.  As followers of Christ, we are given the responsibility to raise our children to know and serve the Lord (Deut 6:4-9).  In a word, someone must still fill the role of mother. Who is better equipped to serve, nurture, and train our children than us?

Titus 2:3-5 commands older women to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” We live in a society where feminism is no longer a movement but a norm. Women still feel the pressure to work outside the home for a more fulfilling life, yet women are increasingly stressed, pulled in different directions, and live under a mountain of guilt.

Could it be that, as a society, we have removed ourselves from God’s perfect plan? God knows how difficult it is to raise a family and have a successful career. His desire is to protect us and our children from the stress that life brings. He is the One who fashioned us in His perfect image, and His desire is that we, as women, would trust Him to care for our needs and for our family’s needs. I realize that there are unusual circumstances that cause some women to work either part-time or full-time, and I empathize with those women. But, there are increasingly more women who choose to forgo the needs of their children in order to live in a nicer home, drive a nicer vehicle, or go on nicer vacations. To that woman, may I lovingly ask you, is it worth it? Is “leaning in” to your career more important than nurturing that precious child God has given you? Is “leaning in” to your career going to help you give your child an understanding of God’s word and His plan for her life? More importantly, is “leaning in” going to cause God’s word to be reviled (literal meaning is blasphemed) in your life?  Every child needs a mother, and God has designed you to be the mother in your child’s life.

I am often asked what I plan to do after I graduate. Many wait for me say that I will finally do some incredible thing that only a doctorate degree will allow. But, to be honest with you, I plan to continue doing what I have the privilege of doing every day, serving alongside my husband and being “mommy” to my beautiful little girls. For me, “leaning in” is not a chance to gain more freedom and success, and “leaning out” is not a choice I get to make. My desire is to lean in to Christ and live for His glory.

 

Amanda Walker is in the Doctorate of Educational Ministries program at Southwestern. Her greatest joy is serving alongside her husband who is the University Minister at Cook Baptist Church in Ruston, Louisiana, and being the mother of two beautiful daughters. In her “free” time she enjoys a good chat over a cup of coffee. Connect with Amanda on Facebook!

 

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Lean In or Lean Out?

Thursday, March 28, 2013 by Amanda Walker

Not long ago, few people had heard of Sheryl Sandberg. In 2001, she took a job at a little known company, Google, which soon grew into one of the wealthiest companies in America. By the time she left, she was the vice president of global online sales and operations. In March 2008, she became the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Facebook. In 2010, she gave what is now her infamous speech on TED Talk, which catapulted her into the limelight.[1]

And on March 11, 2013, Sandberg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead hit the shelves. In its first week of publication, the book sold 140,000 copies, and it had to go back for reprint eight different times.[2] Lean In has become a national bestseller in less than a month. Sandberg is fast in becoming a household name, and she desires to teach women how to “lean in” to their jobs in order to find success and ultimate fulfillment.

 

Lean In is based on three core values. The first value is to “sit at the table.” Sandberg encourages women to negotiate for themselves and not be afraid to interject ideas. She notes that women attribute success in their lives to hard work, luck, or the help of others; whereas men are more willing to say they are successful because of their own skills. She believes that women deserve and should be at the top in at least half of the companies in America, but that will not happen until women are willing to “sit at the table” with men and allow their voices to be heard. The second value is to “make your partner a real partner.” In families where both the husband and wife work, she says that women still do twice as much housework and spend three times more energy and time taking care of the children. What is her solution? She encourages young women to select a husband or a partner that is willing to sit at the kitchen table, stay at home, and change as many diapers as his wife/partner. She envisions a world where men are encouraged and not belittled for being stay-at-home fathers. The last value is for women “not to leave before you leave.” In her book, Sandberg notes when women decide they want to have children, they often turn down promotions and stop being aggressive in their professional lives. She encourages women to stay engaged and not lean back. She also encourages women to keep pushing up in their careers until they have children, and then they can decide what they want to do with their life.[3]

 

There has also been some backlash to Sandberg’s book in the midst of its success. Sandberg is accused of being an elitist billionaire, who can hire a nanny, a housekeeper, a chef, and a personal assistant to help her run her life. For the average woman whose husband makes a middle class income, nannies and personal chefs are not a reality. With the rising costs of childcare, some women are choosing to “lean out” and return back to the home. I found it fascinating that one career-oriented woman made the statement in a CBS interview that the feminist movement provided women with a choice, the choice to stay home.[4] Lisa Miller, author for the New York Magazine, has a new article out entitled “The Retro Wife.” In this article she follows a family where the wife is a self-proclaimed feminist but has chosen to turn in her stilettos for an apron in order raise their two young children. What is her reasoning? She believes that women are better suited for the task of mothering, and she did not want nor could they afford to put their children in an upscale daycare facility.[5] Fifty years removed from Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique, women can have a full-time job, a husband, and a family, yet some are realizing they are still not happy trying to have it all.

So with all this talk about “leaning in” and “leaning out,” what is the Christian woman to think?

Every woman struggles with finding and maintaining a balanced life. I have a wonderful husband, two little girls (23 months and 9 months), and I am in the final stages of my doctorate work. I understand the struggle of wanting to complete a task, whether it is a dissertation or a career, and raise a family. But, in all my reading and research of this new “feminist manifesto,” I was struck with one reality. When a woman is blessed with a child, someone must care for, feed, nurture, and raise the child to become a responsible person in society.  As followers of Christ, we are given the responsibility to raise our children to know and serve the Lord (Deut 6:4-9).  In a word, someone must still fill the role of mother. Who is better equipped to serve, nurture, and train our children than us?

Titus 2:3-5 commands older women to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” We live in a society where feminism is no longer a movement but a norm. Women still feel the pressure to work outside the home for a more fulfilling life, yet women are increasingly stressed, pulled in different directions, and live under a mountain of guilt.

Could it be that, as a society, we have removed ourselves from God’s perfect plan? God knows how difficult it is to raise a family and have a successful career. His desire is to protect us and our children from the stress that life brings. He is the One who fashioned us in His perfect image, and His desire is that we, as women, would trust Him to care for our needs and for our family’s needs. I realize that there are unusual circumstances that cause some women to work either part-time or full-time, and I empathize with those women. But, there are increasingly more women who choose to forgo the needs of their children in order to live in a nicer home, drive a nicer vehicle, or go on nicer vacations. To that woman, may I lovingly ask you, is it worth it? Is “leaning in” to your career more important than nurturing that precious child God has given you? Is “leaning in” to your career going to help you give your child an understanding of God’s word and His plan for her life? More importantly, is “leaning in” going to cause God’s word to be reviled (literal meaning is blasphemed) in your life?  Every child needs a mother, and God has designed you to be the mother in your child’s life.

I am often asked what I plan to do after I graduate. Many wait for me say that I will finally do some incredible thing that only a doctorate degree will allow. But, to be honest with you, I plan to continue doing what I have the privilege of doing every day, serving alongside my husband and being “mommy” to my beautiful little girls. For me, “leaning in” is not a chance to gain more freedom and success, and “leaning out” is not a choice I get to make. My desire is to lean in to Christ and live for His glory.

 

Amanda Walker is in the Doctorate of Educational Ministries program at Southwestern. Her greatest joy is serving alongside her husband who is the University Minister at Cook Baptist Church in Ruston, Louisiana, and being the mother of two beautiful daughters. In her “free” time she enjoys a good chat over a cup of coffee. Connect with Amanda on Facebook!

 

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Is Sexy a Sin?

Thursday, February 7, 2013 by Candi Finch

“If you got it, flaunt it!” …So goes the advice to women around the world.

If you want to attract a man, you have to put yourself on display—you’ve got to be sexy. Lest I make this sound like a diatribe against secular culture, I should mention that Christians have offered me this advice too. Well-meaning but (in my opinion) misguided women have suggested that if I ever wanted to get married, I needed to “advertise” more.

I have been thinking a lot about this over the past month, and I have to admit that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to talk about this here. I worried people would think, “There is just another one of those frumpy, outdated, Christian women wishing for the good ole days of Victorian England (or whatever era was most prudish).” Let me be clear, I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking care of your body and wanting to look beautiful.

But “sexy”? …Let’s think about that together.

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Being A Mom When She’s All Grown Up

Thursday, January 31, 2013 by Terri Stovall

Mother-Daughter relationships can be complicated.  At each stage of life it seems like there is this constant tension. For mothers, it is trying to strike the balance of wanting to continue teaching and nurturing on the one hand, while allowing her daughter to be strong, confident, and independent on the other. For daughters, the tension is almost the opposite. They seek to be strong, confident, and independent but, almost secretly, long for that long-term nurturing and teaching that only a mom can give.

This tension seems to be even more complicated when trying to figure out how to mother an adult daughter. Many mothers have done well in launching their daughters into life and are proud of the women they have become. They sit back and admire their daughters as wonderful wives and mothers. Some mothers have especially raised their daughters to be strong, independent, self-assured women who can hold their own in a world that is hard and dangerous.

But this leaves many a mom wondering whether she can still be a mother to her adult daughter… “Do I be her friend or do I be her mother?” “How much advice does she really want?”  “Am I intruding?” Let’s add one more level of muddiness! When an adult daughter goes through a particularly challenging time of life – and we have all been there – how much mothering does she really need…or want?

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Ready…Set…Wait! Trusting God in Your Waiting Season

Thursday, January 17, 2013 by Katie McCoy

When I was about 8 years old, my family had a bunch of people over for a pool party. I was so excited to jump in with the crowd until my parents told me that since I’d just gotten over being sick, I’d have to sit this party out. (Between the colds and earaches we got to know the pediatrician’s office pretty well). I was disappointed to say the least. I had my very fashionable goggles and was ready to go, only to find out that “for my good” I would have to sit on the sidelines…by myself…when everyone else was having a party. To my eight-year-old social life, this was devastating. All the people were there, the pool was right there – all I had to do was jump in! I was supremely bummed.

But later, as I was sulking on the porch, my parents surprised me with the reason for the restriction: In just a few days I’d be getting on a plane and traveling 3,000 miles to see my favorite childhood friends. My little 3^rd grade heart was elated! All of sudden I didn’t feel so left out. Another sniffling nose or earache would have made for a rather miserable trip. When I realized that what seemed like a joy-stealing restriction was actually a preparation. Once I realized what was coming, I didn’t mind temporarily sitting off to the side.

While the days of pool parties may have passed, there are still times when it seems like I’m sitting on the sidelines, waiting for some divine revelation to make sense of all the “why’s.” Maybe you’ve been there too, asking God, Where do I go from here? What’s the next step? or Is this ever going to change?

Sometimes we feel stuck waiting for the answer. Or, perhaps we’ve convinced ourselves that we have the answer, but God doesn’t seem to be on the same page. The solution is seemingly right there – you could just jump in! But, for whatever reason, you’ve been given what seems like a joy-stealing restriction or another closed door and you’re left wondering whether God really is the caring, involved Father that He says He is.

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