I May Not Be There…But Please Keep Honoring Moms

Friday, May 10, 2013 by Terri Stovall

In recent weeks, a blog entitled An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day} has been circulating around Facebook. I resonated with the post and especially liked “The Wide Spectrum of Mothering” included. In fact, I was already planning what Facebook status and Tweet I would write on Saturday, just to make a point. But then, I started seeing Pastors post that they would not be recognizing mothers in Sunday’s services because of the pain it would cause some women.

I have written about my journey with infertility and the pain of Mother’s Day. Over the past seven months, disease, multiple surgeries, and treatments, have brought that struggle even more to the forefront. And, I must admit, that of all the Mother’s Days I have gone through, this year’s is by far the hardest. Yet, even so, this “Non-Mom” encourages – implores, rather – pastors and churches to Keep honoring mothers.

It is true that there are some in your congregation who are hurting. There are some who long for children and, unlike those in Scripture, God has not chosen to fill their arms with a child. For others, like myself, there is the realization that biological children just will never be. And still others have lost children, and long earnestly to hold them, smell them, and hear them one last time.  All who struggle with Mother’s Day are dealing with some type of loss and grief.

Nevertheless, in the midst of the pain, Motherhood remains a high calling of God and one that should be honored, encouraged, and celebrated. We should not shirk away from celebrating and declaring other truths of Scripture simply because it makes someone uncomfortable. . .

Motherhood is no exception.

In a day where a biblical model of marriage is challenged, naturally leading to the debate of whether it is really better for a child to have a mom and a dad rather than two dads, or two moms, now, more than ever, the church must celebrate the unique and high calling of mom. Scripture is replete with “mom” analogies, affirmations, and instructions. (Ex 20:12, Lev 19:3; Deut 6:16; Is 49:15: 66:13; Ps 113:9; Prov 6:20; 20:20; 23:22-25; Eph 6:1-3) Even Paul likens the way he mentors to a nurturing mother (1Thess 2:7) and affirms the role that a mother and grandmother had in the life of Timothy (2 Tim 1:5).

Is there a portion of your congregation that will feel the pain of Mother’s Day? Yes! Some will be sitting in your pews this Sunday with silent tears on their cheeks. Others, like myself, will not be there, and you must be okay with that for today . . . we will be back next week.  In all cases, God will be with them.

Keep Honoring Motherhood

• Honor and encourage those who are biological, adoptive, or foster mothers recognizing the importance they have in rearing the next generation.

• Honor and encourage those who are spiritual mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or mother figures in the lives of younger women, for they are living out the Titus 2 mandate.

• Honor and encourage those who will soon become mothers for the first time, committing to walk with them through the tremendous responsibility that looms before them.

• Honor and encourage those who have lost a child, grieving with them and always remembering.

• Understand and encourage those who are hurting, longing to feel fully accepted as a woman, but resting in the assurance that God’s grace is most surely felt in the midst of grief.

But don’t let those of us who still grieve keep you from honoring the high calling of motherhood. Celebrate it!

This past weekend I was able to honor my own mother and this upcoming Sunday, I will honor my mother-in-love. I am blessed to be the aunt of five and love being a “mom” to so many sharp gals at Southwestern. In recent weeks I have had various students honor me as a spiritual mother. Just yesterday another student brought her two-year-old by the office who gave me a big hug and showed me the stickers she got for going in the “big girl potty.” This time of the semester, my office is abuzz with young women stopping by to commiserate or celebrate the outcome of final exams. My life is full of mothering opportunities. And yet, my heart still feels the loss. I still don’t go to church on Mother’s Day. I’m just not there yet, but God continues to do a work in me.

So, this “Non-Mom” is going a little against the current tide, standing tall, and encouraging pastors and churches to go ahead and celebrate mothers. You don’t have to downplay the importance of mothers for our sakes. It is a high calling, one that is ordained by God, and one that should always be honored.

 

Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. Connect with Terri on Facebook or Follow her on Twitter!

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A View from the Crow’s Nest: Trends in Women’s Ministry

Tuesday, March 26, 2013 by Terri Stovall

A crow’s nest is a perch at the top of the main mast on a ship. The person sitting in the crow’s nest is able to keep a keen eye on the horizon to spot hazards, other ships, land, or impending changes that could impact the forward motion of a ship. The one sitting in the crow’s nest has a unique viewpoint.

Serving at Southwestern, I have the unique vantage of having a type of “crow’s nest” perspective. From the sharp young women who are students here, to the opportunities to regularly minister in the local church, to the intentional networking with other seminaries and denominational agencies, I can see that there are changes coming on the horizon for ministries to women.

 

Here are some of my observations from the Women’s Ministry “Crow’s Nest:” 

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find Out What It Means to…Your Man

Thursday, February 21, 2013 by Terri Stovall

RESPECT – we all know it when we see it and can definitely point out disrespect when it comes our way. But what does respect really mean? And what does it look like?

These are the questions that I have been asked as I have worked with and mentored women, especially those who are newlyweds and are just trying to figure out what it looks like to be the wives God wants them to be. After all, Ephesians 5 not only instructs women to submit but also to respect their own husbands.

So how does a wife show respect to her husband?  Well…what better way to find the answer to that than to ask a group of husbands? Before you start picturing “I Love Lucy” re-runs, it might surprise you to learn how respect is communicated to most men. In an informal survey, I asked my married colleagues, ranging from a newlywed husband to a veteran of anniversaries, this one simple question: In one sentence, what does respect look like to a husband?

As I pressed “send” on the email, I expected to get a quick volley of responses. After all, this was their chance to tell us wives what they wished we knew. But instead, I heard crickets. And so I waited.

What I learned is that these godly men, like the rest of us, had a tough time explaining what respect is, but they could tell me what it is not. After a few lighthearted responses (my personal favorite being a video of James Brown’s It’s a Man’s World), the thoughtful responses I got offered a brief but insightful view into a husband’s world.

So, here you go, ladies. What does respect look like and how can we wives practically communicate it?

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Being A Mom When She’s All Grown Up

Thursday, January 31, 2013 by Terri Stovall

Mother-Daughter relationships can be complicated.  At each stage of life it seems like there is this constant tension. For mothers, it is trying to strike the balance of wanting to continue teaching and nurturing on the one hand, while allowing her daughter to be strong, confident, and independent on the other. For daughters, the tension is almost the opposite. They seek to be strong, confident, and independent but, almost secretly, long for that long-term nurturing and teaching that only a mom can give.

This tension seems to be even more complicated when trying to figure out how to mother an adult daughter. Many mothers have done well in launching their daughters into life and are proud of the women they have become. They sit back and admire their daughters as wonderful wives and mothers. Some mothers have especially raised their daughters to be strong, independent, self-assured women who can hold their own in a world that is hard and dangerous.

But this leaves many a mom wondering whether she can still be a mother to her adult daughter… “Do I be her friend or do I be her mother?” “How much advice does she really want?”  “Am I intruding?” Let’s add one more level of muddiness! When an adult daughter goes through a particularly challenging time of life – and we have all been there – how much mothering does she really need…or want?

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Christmas Dishes and Wishes

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 by Terri Stovall

Christmas dishes. That’s what I wanted – my very own set of Christmas dishes. The pattern I wanted was going to be on sale for an unbelievable price on the day after Thanksgiving…aka “Black Friday.” I talked my mother and my sister-in-law into helping me and we were at the doors of the department store bright and early – along with several hundred other women who also had their eyes on the china department. The doors opened and we found ourselves being herded through cattle chutes up the stairs to find total chaos. We had a plan, and, after several shouts to each other from across the room, we rendezvoused at the checkout line with our prized catch of the day.

That was almost a decade ago and my family still laughs about that morning. The craziness of the moment, the influence of the crowd, and the competitiveness that emerged surprised us all. We’ve never done anything like that again!

What is it about the Christmas that makes us act like we’ve gone from deal-hunters to headhunters? This year, people barely finished eating their pumpkin pie before heading out to stand in line for pre-Black Friday deals! 8 a.m. door busters now happen at 8 p.m. All to create the “perfect” Christmas – the perfect gift, have the perfect table, decorate the perfect tree, and experience the perfect moment. In the midst of it all, yard art and Christmas cards proclaim that, “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.” But do we truly treat Christmas as a focus on Jesus or do we find ourselves searching out the ideal intersection between the Proverbs 31 woman and Martha Stewart?

While we hear it every year, we annually need the reminder: It’s not about the stuff.

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When Fear Falls

Thursday, December 6, 2012 by Terri Stovall

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

~Isaiah 41:10

Have you ever been going through life, walking daily with the Lord, essentially doing well, excited about all God is doing, when all off a sudden you are blindsided and fear seems to fall on you?  You are not alone.

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Reviewing “A Year of Biblical Womanhood”

Tuesday, October 30, 2012 by Terri Stovall

The Bible does not present us with a single model for womanhood and the notion that it contains a sort of one-size-fits–all formula for how to be a woman of faith is a myth (294).

This statement struck me when a friend and I traveled to Waco, TX to hear Rachel Held Evans speak during Baylor University’s chapel earlier this year. I had been following Evans’ popular blog for well over a year as she embarked on “The Project,” a one-year journey to understand true biblical womanhood. After hearing her message, I felt torn. On the one hand, Evans’ engaging communication style left me wanting to sit down with her over a cup of coffee and hear more of how she tackled her journey. On the other hand, I came away troubled by her statement that there is no “formula” for believing women.

I agree with Evans that knowing what womanhood looks like in today’s world and culture is difficult to see in practical terms, but I cannot swallow that the Bible does not give us a model of how to be a woman of faith. I’ve anticipated the release of her book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood, knowing that Evans and I would disagree, but also feeling that her book might serve those of us who teach and espouse a complementarian view of gender roles – specifically biblical womanhood.

Have we really, as Evans claims, made one picture of womanhood the ideal above all others?

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